Parents often describe some children as “easy” while others seem more challenging. But a new study suggests that how difficult a child is perceived to be may depend as much on the parent’s personality as on the child’s behavior.
A study by Roi Estlein, Ateret Gewirtz-Meydan, and Ricky Finzi-Dottan, published in Current Psychology (2024), examined how maternal narcissistic traits relate to children’s psychological adjustment.
The researchers found that only one type of narcissism—known as vulnerable narcissism—was linked to child maladjustment, and the connection appeared to be driven by how mothers viewed their child’s temperament.
The main finding was that mothers with higher levels of vulnerable narcissism were more likely to see their child as difficult, and this perception was what predicted children’s emotional and behavioral struggles.
By contrast, grandiose narcissism—characterized by confidence, dominance, and an inflated self-image—showed no significant link to children’s adjustment.
Narcissism is a personality trait that can take different forms. Grandiose narcissism involves self-importance and a desire for admiration, whereas vulnerable narcissism is marked by fragile self-esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism, and emotional reactivity.
In the context of parenting, these traits can influence how mothers interpret and respond to their children’s behavior.
To explore this, the researchers studied 252 Israeli mother–child pairs. The children were between 7 and 12 years old, and both mothers and children completed questionnaires about personality, parenting, and emotional adjustment.
Mothers were assessed for grandiose and vulnerable narcissistic traits, asked to rate their parenting style, and to report how difficult they perceived their child to be. Children provided self-reports of their psychological well-being.
The results showed that vulnerable narcissism in mothers correlated with child maladjustment, but this association disappeared once the mother’s perception of the child as difficult was considered.
In other words, it was not simply the mother’s personality or even her rejecting parenting style that explained the child’s difficulties, but rather how she interpreted and reacted to her child’s temperament.
This finding highlights an important nuance: rejecting or harsh parenting behaviors were associated with child difficulties in initial analyses, but they did not remain significant once maternal perceptions were taken into account.
The way mothers viewed their child—whether as cooperative or as challenging—played the more central role in shaping children’s adjustment outcomes.
For families, the study suggests that children’s well-being can be strongly influenced by the lens through which parents see them.
A mother with vulnerable narcissistic traits may be more likely to interpret normal childhood behaviors—such as mood swings or resistance to rules—as signs of a difficult temperament.
These interpretations can then shape her responses, potentially creating a cycle that undermines the child’s emotional security.
Why does this matter?
Many parents encounter moments when their child seems hard to manage. But for parents struggling with vulnerable narcissism, feelings of inadequacy or sensitivity to criticism may intensify these challenges.
Rather than responding with patience or support, such parents may react with criticism, withdrawal, or overcontrol, which can contribute to the child’s own struggles with self-esteem and adjustment.
Over time, this dynamic may heighten risks for anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues in children.
The study also underscores the complexity of parent–child relationships. While parenting style is often considered a key predictor of child outcomes, the researchers argue that perceptions of the child may be a crucial underlying mechanism.
If interventions can help parents reframe how they see their child and develop more reflective, empathetic interpretations of behavior, this could improve family dynamics and support healthier child development.
The authors note that their study had some limitations.
Because it relied on self-report surveys and a cross-sectional design, it cannot establish cause-and-effect. It also focused only on mothers, leaving open questions about fathers or other caregivers.
Future research, they suggest, should use observational methods, include more diverse populations, and test interventions aimed at improving parental perceptions and emotional support.
Still, the findings offer a valuable reminder that parenting is not just about rules and discipline but also about perspective. The way a parent interprets their child’s behavior can have profound consequences for the child’s emotional well-being.
For families in which vulnerable narcissism is a factor, fostering greater self-awareness and supportive parenting may help break cycles of misunderstanding and misperception.
Citation
Estlein, R., Gewirtz-Meydan, A., & Finzi-Dottan, R. (2024). Maternal narcissism and child maladjustment: A dyadic study. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-024-06993-4
