You Might Regret Going No Contact With Parents

Have you cut ties with your parents and now find yourself questioning that decision?

If you regret going no contact with your parents, you’re far from alone. Many estranged adult children grapple with guilt, doubt, or sadness after ending a toxic parent relationship.

Research suggests guilt, grief, and regret often coexist with relief (Agllias, 2017; Linden & Sillence, 2021). Regret alone does not prove the decision was wrong. Below, we explain why these feelings surface and how to cope, drawing on real-life accounts and expert advice.

Why People Go No Contact with Their Parents

Going no contact means deliberately ending all communication with a parent: no calls, visits, or messages. It is self-protection, not punishment.

No one chooses it on a whim. In most cases, it’s a last resort. People take it to protect their mental or physical well-being.

Abuse, chronic manipulation, betrayal of trust, or repeatedly hurtful behavior are common reasons adult children cut off contact.

Estrangement is usually chosen because every attempt to set boundaries or improve the relationship has failed.

Interviews with 26 adult Australians point the same way. Their reasons fell into three groups (Agllias, 2015):

• Abuse: Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or a parent’s failure to protect the child from someone else’s abuse.
• Poor parenting: Neglect, an authoritarian style, a lasting lack of support, or parentification, where a child is pushed into a caregiver role.
• Betrayal: Lying, publicly embarrassing the adult child, or undermining their other relationships.

Most had tried talking, setting smaller boundaries, or family mediation first. It was rarely a snap decision.

As psychologist Claire Jack, Ph.D., notes, most people only make this decision because “it’s preferable to remaining stuck in a toxic environment”.

If interactions with a parent cause more pain than benefit, then going no contact may truly be the healthiest option.

Mixed Emotions: Guilt, Grief, and Regret Are Normal

Even when no contact is the right decision, it’s common to feel very conflicted afterward. You may feel relief on one hand and deep guilt or sadness on the other.

Research confirms this pattern. Agllias (2017) interviewed estranged adult children. They described relief, healing, and personal growth alongside a lasting sense of loss.

Linden and Sillence (2021) found something similar in seven women with a history of parental maltreatment. Estrangement felt costly and beneficial. Sometimes both applied to the same person. These are small interview studies, so they show how estranged adults experience it, not every family’s story.

Psychologist Claire Jack, Ph.D., has experienced family estrangement herself. She writes that “no matter what has led to the estrangement, it’s common to feel some guilt about it.”

Society often idealizes the parent-child bond, so cutting off a parent can leave you feeling like you’ve done something wrong even when you haven’t.

Shame and self-doubt can creep in. You might wonder if you were a “bad daughter/son” for making this choice. In reality, the situation was usually the problem, not you.

Pushback and Estrangement Shaming

Loved ones who don’t understand the toxicity you endured might also pressure you. Many estranged children hear well-meaning remarks like “but they’re your parents, you’ll regret it someday.”

Such comments can intensify your doubt.

In truth, people who haven’t lived through abuse often struggle to grasp why anyone would cut off family. This can leave you feeling isolated or judged, when what you need is understanding and support.

Some relatives react more harshly. Common reactions include:

• Accusations: They may question your motives or call you cold, selfish, or ungrateful.
• Taking sides: Even relatives hurt by the same parent may side against you, because loyalty to the family’s shared story can outweigh individual experience.
• Distancing: Siblings, cousins, and extended family may pull away or demand explanations.
• Character attacks: You may be painted as difficult, dramatic, or unloving.

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula calls this pattern estrangement shaming: being made to feel judged or dismissed as having overreacted. Sharing your story too freely, she cautions, can invite invalidation.

She recommends being selective about who hears it. Favor people who won’t pressure you to forgive and move on too soon.

Stepping away to protect yourself is not the same as withdrawing to punish or control. Others may not see the difference.

One participant in Agllias’s (2017) interviews put it this way. “[I didn’t] break off all contact to hurt her, I did it to protect myself and to become a person.”

Personal Stories: Regret vs. Relief After Going No Contact

It can help to know how others in similar situations felt after going no contact. Many people initially worry they’ll regret it, but their experiences vary.

For some, the predominant feeling is relief. One adult child shared, “Never been better. I only regret not doing it sooner.”

Others do struggle with mixed feelings of loss.

“I don’t regret it because I know that it was the only decision and safest decision to make for myself,” wrote one estranged daughter. “However, I am still in mourning, and the grief has been difficult… sometimes my brain feels like I miss them, but I know it’s the idea of them that I miss rather than them as a person.”.

This heartfelt reflection shows how you can firmly believe no contact was necessary yet still feel grief for the parents you wish you’d had.

Research records the same split (Agllias, 2017). One participant, using the pseudonym Donna, said she was “sad that I don’t have the loyalty, the mum-daughter relationship that I want.” But she had “accepted it.” She was “making a new family tradition” for her own children.

It’s also common to feel pangs of doubt right after cutting ties. One person described waking up with “intense feelings of regret” soon after telling their mother about the no-contact boundary.

In those moments, getting support is crucial.

In online forums, people often remind each other that feeling guilty doesn’t mean the decision was wrong. It usually means you’re a caring person.

As one commenter told someone second-guessing themselves, “You only feel regret because you didn’t want to hurt your mother. There is no shame in telling someone their behavior and attitude is hurtful.”

Hearing from others who have walked this path can reinforce that you made your choice for valid reasons.

Why You Might Feel Regret After Going No Contact

Regret rarely means that cutting contact was wrong. More often, it reflects the complex emotional ties and social pressures involved. Understanding why these feelings arise can help you work through them.

Here are some common reasons you might be experiencing regret or doubt:

• Guilt: You worry that setting the boundary hurt your parent, even though it was necessary.
• Grief: You miss the idea of a loving, healthy parent more than the real one.
• Stigma: Messages that “family is forever” can leave you feeling like the odd one out.
• Future Regret: You fear regretting this once your parents are gone, though staying would carry regrets too.
• Trauma Bonds: Past abuse can distort your perspective and keep you hoping your parent will change.

Guilt and empathy

You’re a compassionate person, so you worry you’ve hurt your parent by cutting them off. You might feel like you’ve done something cruel, even if that boundary was necessary.

This guilt can make you second-guess yourself. As one person noted, “you only feel regret because you didn’t want to hurt your mother.”

Many adult children also feel as though they have abandoned their family. Guilt can sit alongside grief, anger, and relief, sometimes within the same day.

Grieving the parent you never had

Going no contact can trigger grief for the idea of a loving, healthy parent. You might mourn the relationship you never got.

It’s normal to miss the fantasy of an ideal parent, even while knowing the real parent was harmful. As one estranged daughter admitted, she missed the idea of her parents more than the actual people they were after cutting ties.

Family scientist Pauline Boss calls this ambiguous loss (Boss, 1999). It means grieving someone who is still alive but emotionally unavailable. There is no funeral, no shared script, and often no acknowledgment that anything has been lost. So the grief can cycle rather than steadily fade.

Social pressure and stigma

Society sends a message that “family is forever” and that cutting off parents is taboo. Well-meaning friends or relatives might say you’ll regret it later or urge you to reconcile. This can plant seeds of doubt.

Cultural beliefs like “blood is thicker than water” often excuse bad behavior. That can make you feel like the odd one out for leaving a toxic family.

Cultural and gender expectations can add to the pressure:

• Culture and faith: Values such as filial piety (a duty of respect and care toward parents) can add guilt and shame. No tradition requires you to tolerate abuse.
• Gender: A dutiful eldest daughter, or an only son expected to care for aging parents, may feel intense guilt for stepping away.

Society can also be quicker to call a woman who cuts off family “ungrateful,” or a son “dishonorable.” Being a good daughter or son is not the same as tolerating harm.

Fear of future regret

You might worry, “Will I regret this when my parents are gone?” It’s a haunting question many face. But remember that if nothing changed, staying in an abusive relationship could fill you with regrets too.

As one person put it, toxic family dynamics create:

“regret we couldn’t have a normal relationship… regret for standing by them, regret for stepping back… With all those regrets already at play, don’t add in another regret of sticking around even longer.”

In other words, don’t sacrifice your well-being now just out of fear of later regret.

Trauma bonds and self-doubt

A trauma bond is a strong emotional attachment to an abusive or manipulative person. It can make that person hard to stay away from, even when the relationship is harmful.

Enduring abuse or manipulation can distort your perspective. You may find yourself reminiscing about “good times” or hoping your parent will change, even after everything.

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes that people often remain in toxic relationships due to guilt, fear, hope, lack of understanding of the abuse, and even curiosity.

These same factors can stir up second thoughts after you leave, making you question if you did the right thing.

Coping with Regret and Moving Forward

Regret and other heavy emotions can lose their grip over time. There are healthy ways to work through these feelings so you can find peace with your decision.

Consider these strategies for coping and moving forward:

• Remind yourself why you left: Write down the incidents and crossed boundaries that led to your decision. A journal can ground you when you start to romanticize the past.
• Seek support and validation: Join a support group for estranged adult children, or talk to a therapist. People who get it can validate your experience.
• Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Cutting off a parent doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you someone who set a tough boundary to stay healthy.
• Set boundaries around negative influences: Limit contact with people who make you feel guilty. It’s okay to say, “I’m not going to discuss this,” and change the subject.
• Focus on healing: Put energy into things that bring joy and into supportive relationships, such as chosen family: friends or mentors who offer the belonging your family didn’t.

Going no contact doesn’t have to be permanent. You can reassess later to see whether the decision still feels right.

Some signs suggest a parent may have changed:

• Genuine accountability: An apology that names specific mistakes, not a vague one.
• Sustained change: Your boundaries are respected over time, not just in one conversation.
• Concrete effort: For example, attending therapy to address the underlying behavior.

Reconnection is common. In a large U.S. longitudinal survey, most estrangements later ended: 81% from mothers and 69% from fathers (Reczek et al., 2023).

Even so, go slowly. Reconnecting out of guilt or pressure, before anything has changed, is more likely to bring renewed hurt. Start with small, controlled contact and clear limits, such as ending a call the moment a parent starts yelling.

Finding Peace After Going No Contact

Working through regret takes time, but remember that you made the best decision you could with the information and circumstances you had.

As more time passes, you will likely feel more confident and at peace with having gone no contact.

Many formerly estranged adult children say they eventually feel freedom, peace, and relief, especially once they heal from the past abuse or trauma. Some sadness may remain, and that is normal.

A 2025 interview study of 26 adult children and four parents points the same way. Most described rebuilt self-worth, emotional freedom, and peace after leaving, often through new support networks and therapy. Many also reported lasting losses, such as missing extended family (Nica, 2025).

Healing is rarely a straight line. Many estranged adults describe three kinds of progress:

• Reparenting: Giving yourself the care, comfort, and consistency you did not receive as a child.
• New traditions: Building a chosen family and pursuing goals without a parent’s criticism.
• Acceptance: For some, forgiveness or acceptance, not to excuse what happened but to release bitterness for their own sake.

Ultimately, you deserve to be treated with respect and care. Protecting your mental health is nothing to feel guilty about.

If reconnecting someday is truly in your best interest (and theirs), you can explore it if and when the time is right.

But even if reconciliation never happens, you can still lead a healthy, fulfilling life surrounded by people who love and support you. Moving forward, focus on your own well-being. That is something you will not regret.

References

Agllias, K. (2015). Disconnection and decision-making: Adult children explain their reasons for estranging from parents. Australian Social Work, 69(1), 92–104. https://doi.org/10.1080/0312407X.2015.1004355

Agllias, K. (2017). Missing family: The adult child’s experience of parental estrangement. Journal of Social Work Practice, 32(1), 59–72. https://doi.org/10.1080/02650533.2017.1326471

Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.

Linden, A. H., & Sillence, E. (2021). “I’m finally allowed to be me”: Parent-child estrangement and psychological wellbeing. Families, Relationships and Societies, 10(2), 325–341. https://doi.org/10.1332/204674319×15647593365505

Nica, A. (2025). From family estrangement to empowered exits: New emotional developments. Frontiers in Sociology, 10, Article 1663618. https://doi.org/10.3389/fsoc.2025.1663618

Reczek, R., Stacey, L., & Thomeer, M. B. (2023). Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 85(2), 494–517. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12898