Signs He Likes You but Is Playing It Cool

If you’re trying to figure out if someone likes you while they are also trying to play it cool, actions are more important than words. Someone who is emotionally available will want to know more about you, and they will be comfortable with your vulnerability. Even if they struggle to express their feelings in words, you will see them trying.

Subtle Signals

First, it’s important to remember that everyone is different, and what might seem like a clear sign to one person might just be their normal behaviour to another.

However, there are some common indicators to look out for:

1. Body Language Speaks Volumes

Pay attention to the unspoken cues.

Is he leaning in when you’re talking, maintaining eye contact for a bit longer than usual, or perhaps even reaching out to touch your arm?

These can be subtle signs of attraction and a desire to connect on a deeper level.

When you are talking to someone and they get ‘lost in your eyes’ they may be thinking of more than just the conversation.

2. The “Little Extra”

Does he do slightly more than what’s expected?

Maybe he asks one more question than he normally would, offers a small compliment, or tries to spend time with you outside of a group setting.

These little moments can suggest a desire to build a stronger connection.

3. Flirtatious Banter

Is there a playful energy between you?

Does he tease you gently, or make comments that are a bit more charged?

These can be ways of testing the waters and seeing if you reciprocate.

If a man is interested, he will flirt with you, and if you flirt back he will engage, creating a “dance” between the two of you.

4. Vulnerability

While some men may struggle with emotional expression, a guy who is truly interested will make his intentions known.

Is he sharing things about himself that go beyond surface level?

Is he being open and honest about his feelings, even if they’re a bit fragile?

This is a big step and can be a sign of trust and interest.

5. He Remembers the Little Things

Does he remember small details about you, such as your favorite drink or things you have told him about yourself?

These little gestures can indicate that he is paying attention and cares about you.

6. Reciprocity

When you ask him a question, does he then ask you a question back?

This can be a sign of genuine interest in you and getting to know you as a person.

Why do guys play it cool?

Now, why might he be playing it cool instead of openly expressing his feelings?

There could be several reasons:

• Fear of Rejection: He might be scared of putting himself out there too much, worried about coming on too strong, and being rejected. He might be trying to protect himself.
• Avoiding Vulnerability: He might not be comfortable with emotional vulnerability and therefore not want to show his feelings too early on.
• Societal Pressure: There can be social pressure on guys to not show emotions, which could mean that he is trying to “play it cool”.
• The Thrill of the Chase: Sometimes, people enjoy the excitement of the pursuit and may hold back to keep the dynamic interesting.

Red Flags

It’s crucial to distinguish between someone playing it cool and someone who isn’t genuinely interested.

There’s a fine line, and it’s important to be able to spot the difference. Some red flags to watch out for include:

1. Pulling away to get closer

Pulling away is a strategy employed to try to gain control and power in a relationship.

It’s an attempt to make the other person feel insecure and more invested.

When someone pulls away, it creates anxiety and fear in the other person, making them worry about losing the relationship.

This anxiety often leads to the other person leaning in and trying harder to regain the connection.

This approach to relationships involves manipulation and game-playing, which does not lead to authentic connection.

2. Inconsistency

If someone likes you, they’ll communicate, and you’ll know. If someone is playing games and you’re confused, that’s all you need to know

If he’s hot and cold, showering you with attention one day and then disappearing for days, this is a red flag.

If his actions and words do not line up, it means a lie is being told.

If you are getting mixed messages, it’s best to be direct and say:

‘I am feeling like there’s a lot of mixed messages. I don’t quite understand what’s going on here. I really like you, and sometimes I feel like you really like me, too, and sometimes I’m not so sure. What are you What are you feeling?’

3. Future Faking

If he’s making grand pronouncements about your future together very early on, it may be a love-bombing tactic rather than a genuine expression of interest.

4. Attention-Seeking

If he seems to enjoy the attention but shows no intention of moving things forward, he may not be serious about a relationship with you.

5. He is ‘going with the flow’

If a man says “let’s go with the flow”, or something similar, that is non-committal, and shows a lack of vision for the future of the relationship.

6. Self-centredness

Is he overly focused on himself, or showing a genuine interest in you?

If a conversation is all about “I”, “me” and “mine” and they do not reciprocate, it could be a red flag.

7. Not making you feel safe

If he doesn’t allow you to be your true self without fear of judgement or ridicule, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

The Bottom Line

Ultimately, deciphering whether someone is playing it cool or just not that into you comes down to a mix of observation, intuition, and self-respect.

It’s okay to be curious and explore the potential for a connection, but it’s also crucial to protect your heart and not settle for less than you deserve.

It is about observing their behaviour and intentionality, not just the words that they are using.

As you navigate this, try to have fun and be open to the possibilities that might come your way.

You deserve someone who is as excited to be with you as you are to be with them.