Why Do I Ghost Someone When I Like Them?

Ghosting means abruptly cutting off all communication with someone, usually in a relationship or social setting, without any explanation or warning.

Ghosting is often a way to avoid people we don’t want to interact with, but people also ghost someone they actually like.

The main reasons are fear of vulnerability, uncertainty about your feelings, avoiding confrontation and past hurt, each of which makes disappearing feel safer.

Here are a few potential reasons why you might ghost someone you have feelings for:

Fear of Vulnerability

Getting close to other people and expressing romantic feelings can feel scary, especially if you find it challenging to open up emotionally.

You might have an avoidant attachment style, a pattern of valuing independence and self-sufficiency. Attachment style is how you tend to think, feel and behave in close relationships. An avoidant style can make emotional intimacy hard.

Being emotionally vulnerable can be overwhelming, so you might choose to ghost someone simply because you’re unsure how to navigate your feelings.

Research supports this link.

Powell et al. (2021) ran three studies, two of them pre-registered, and pooled the results in a meta-analysis. People who had ghosted a partner reported significantly higher attachment avoidance than people who had not.

The studies are correlational, so they show an association, not a cause.

“People often ghost when the weight of commitment begins to settle in. Being routinely bound by their partner’s expectations of them can make them claustrophobic and they ultimately bolt.”

Dr. Fatima Mukhtar, Clinical Researcher

Uncertainty

If you’re unsure about your own feelings or the other person’s feelings, you might choose to ghost rather than confront the uncertainty and potential awkwardness.

When you’re uncertain about your feelings for someone, you might experience a mix of attraction, anxiety, and doubt.

Expressing uncertainty can be difficult, so you might choose to pull away to protect yourself (and the other person) from potential emotional pain.

Beliefs about relationships matter too.

Freedman et al. (2019) ran two studies. The first involved 554 people in romantic relationships, and the second replicated it with 747 people and added friendships.

People with stronger destiny beliefs, who see a relationship as either meant to work or doomed to fail, viewed ghosting more favorably. They were also more likely to intend to use it and to have used it before.

People with growth beliefs see relationships as effortful but improvable. They showed the opposite pattern.

Avoiding Confrontation

If you have a natural aversion to conflict and find confrontation to be extremely uncomfortable, you may ghost someone to sidestep having an uncomfortable conversation.

Ghosting can appear easier than facing a potentially emotional or difficult confrontation because it requires less effort than discussing problems openly.

Ghosting is often seen as a way to sidestep the emotional labor of breaking up with someone. It also avoids backlash or attempts to change their mind.

You can avoid dealing with the person’s reaction and ignore the consequences without having to address it directly.

“Some people hate confrontations and struggle with finding closure, leaving quietly on their own terms gives them a sense of control and closure.”

Dr. Fatima Mukhtar, Clinical Researcher

Closure is the sense of resolution that comes from understanding why something ended. Ghosting denies the other person this, which is a large part of why it hurts.

The fear of confrontation often has roots in earlier experience. Someone who grew up in a home where conflict was avoided or handled badly may learn that confrontation is dangerous. After an abusive relationship, confrontation can come to feel risky.

Communication difficulties make it worse. If expressing emotions was discouraged or ridiculed earlier in life, silence can feel like the safest default. The two problems feed each other, and ghosting offers temporary relief from both.

Past Experiences

Past traumas, especially if they involve rejection or abandonment, can intensify the fear of being rejected again. Ghosting might feel like a way to protect yourself from potential emotional pain.

Additionally, past traumatic experiences can erode your trust in others. If you have been betrayed or hurt before, you might find it challenging to open up and communicate openly with a new partner.

“I ghost people that have feelings for me because I’m a type of person that is very scared of commitment because I’ve been in um toxic abusive relationships before and I grew up in a household where um the marriage and the relationship wasn’t stable…”.

By pulling away, you might believe that you’re avoiding the risk of getting hurt.

Some people leave first so they cannot be left.

Therapist Esther Perel describes this in the Where Should We Begin? episode I Leave First So You Can’t Abandon Me: Friendships. Drawing on her clinical work, she observes that some people cut off friendships pre-emptively once they sense the other person might eventually let them down.

They would rather end things themselves than be left.

It could also be the case that people with an anxious attachment style may be more prone to ghosting:

“People with anxious attachment subconsciously look for an exit, having an exit plan puts them at ease but when they enter a relationship that seems too definitive they often end up disappearing altogether.”

Dr. Fatima Mukhtar, Clinical Researcher

Each attachment style gives ghosting its own logic:

• Avoidant: Values independence and self-sufficiency, so ghosting creates distance without confronting closeness.
• Fearful-avoidant: Wants intimacy but fears being hurt by it, so may ghost defensively to avoid anticipated pain.
• Anxious: Craves closeness yet may keep an exit in mind, then disappear once things feel too serious.
• Disorganized: Often shaped by unresolved trauma or inconsistent caregiving; ghosting may be a reaction to closeness, not a deliberate strategy.

Timing and Life Circumstances

In some cases, there might be external factors that affect your ability to engage in a relationship or maintain communication.

You might have personal challenges, major life transitions, or external priorities that lead you to temporarily step back from relationships.

How to Apologize for Ghosting Someone

Effective communication is essential in building healthy, honest relationships.

If you find yourself ghosting someone you like, you should acknowledge the impact your actions might have had on them and apologize.

Silence leaves more confusion than a clear no.

In multi-day experiments, Telari et al. (2025) compared ghosting with explicit rejection. Rejection caused a sharp spike of guilt that faded quickly. Ghosting caused confusion that stayed high for longer, along with feelings of invisibility and disconnection.

The authors link this to missing closure, the sense of resolution that comes from knowing why something ended. A short, honest explanation gives them something to work with.

Before you get in touch with them, consider the following advice:

Reflect on Your Behavior

Take some time to reflect on why you ghosted and what led to your decision.

Why did you feel the need to end the communication between you two?

What made you decide to ghost them instead of talking to them openly about how you were feeling?

Understanding your reasons will help you communicate more effectively.

Wu and Bamishigbin (2023) interviewed 34 undergraduates who had ghosted someone. Nearly all could readily explain why. Common reasons were a clear cause for ending things, avoiding confrontation and preferring short-term connections.

Yet that reason was not always shared with the person on the receiving end. Putting yours into words first makes it easier to share.

Plan Your Approach

Depending on your relationship with the person and your comfort level, choose an approach that feels appropriate.

Do you want to meet them in person, send a text, write an email, or call them on the phone?

Consider the timing of the conversation and make sure to choose your words carefully.

Be Honest and Apologetic

Begin by accepting responsibility and expressing genuine remorse for your actions. You should apologize sincerely for the pain and confusion you might have caused them.

Explaining your reasons for ghosting can provide context and help the person understand your perspective. But avoid making excuses or shifting blame onto external factors.

Clearly state your apology and that you want to make amends for the hurt you caused.

Use language like “I’m truly sorry for ghosting you” or “I apologize for disappearing without explanation.”

Give Them Space

Once you have apologized, give the person space to process your message.

They might need time to decide how to respond. Or they might have mixed emotions or questions about your apology.

If the person is open to it, you can engage in a conversation about what happened.

Be open to answering their questions and addressing their concerns.

Learn From the Experience

Reflect on what led you to ghost in the first place. Understanding the impact it had on both you and the other person can help you grow. It also helps you avoid repeating the mistake.

You can use this as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and focus on improving your communication skills going forward.

If you ghost often, the habit can feed itself. Each time you skip a hard conversation, you miss a chance to practice the skills that would make the next one easier. Over time, disappearing can harden into a default way of coping.

Being ghosted yourself can play a part. Navarro et al. (2021) found that people who had been ghosted before were more likely to ghost others. The link is correlational.

The pattern is not fixed. Many people who have ghosted reflect, build better communication skills and even make amends.

Try to make a commitment to yourself to handle similar situations differently in the future.

Next time, send a short, honest message instead. State your feelings and reasons plainly, without blaming the other person. If they have questions, listen with empathy while keeping your decision.

Effective communication is essential in building healthy relationships. If you find yourself feeling tempted to ghost again, consider taking a step back to reflect on the lessons you’ve learned.

References

Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2019). Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(3), 905–924. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517748791

Navarro, R., Larrañaga, E., Yubero, S., & Víllora, B. (2021). Individual, interpersonal and relationship factors associated with ghosting intention and behaviors in adult relationships: Examining the associations over and above being a recipient of ghosting. Telematics and Informatics, 57, Article 101513. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tele.2020.101513

Powell, D. N., Freedman, G., Williams, K. D., Le, B., & Green, H. (2021). A multi-study examination of attachment and implicit theories of relationships in ghosting experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(7), 2225–2248. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211009308

Telari, A., Pancani, L., & Riva, P. (2025). The phantom pain of ghosting: Multi-day experiments comparing the reactions to ghosting and rejection. Computers in Human Behavior, 172, Article 108756. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2025.108756

Wu, K., & Bamishigbin, O. (2023). When silence speaks louder than words: Exploring the experiences and attitudes of ghosters. Personal Relationships, 30(4), 1358–1382. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12518

This article was edited by Julia Simkus.