Women’s Experiences Living With A Partner With ADHD

Relationships where one partner has ADHD often face unique challenges, such as difficulties with time management, task completion, and sustained attention during conversations.

These issues can manifest as missed appointments, unfinished household chores, or seemingly disinterested behavior during important discussions.

Such patterns often result in increased responsibilities for the non-ADHD partner, potentially causing frustration, resentment, and relationship strain.

The ADHD partner might feel misunderstood or inadequate, leading to decreased self-esteem.

Studying these dynamics is crucial for developing strategies to improve communication, balance responsibilities, and enhance relationship satisfaction for both partners, ultimately supporting the overall well-being of couples and families affected by adult ADHD.

Zeides Taubin, D., & Maeir, A. (2024). “I wish it wasn’t all on me”: women’s experiences living with a partner with ADHD. Disability and Rehabilitation, 46(14), 3017-3025. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638288.2023.2239158

Key Points

• The primary findings of this study reveal the substantial burden experienced by women in relationships with partners diagnosed with ADHD.
• Factors like emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, inadequate planning, and inconsistent productivity in ADHD partners significantly affect the daily lives and well-being of their female partners.
• Women develop coping strategies such as learning about ADHD, setting boundaries, and cultivating partnership to manage the challenges.
• This research has certain limitations, such as a homogeneous sample focusing on white, heterosexual women.
• The study highlights the universal relevance of understanding the impact of adult ADHD on family systems and the need for support for partners of individuals with ADHD.

Rationale

The study aims to understand the broader impact of adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) on the family system, particularly on the well-being of spouses.

While previous research has documented the effects of ADHD on various functional domains (Brod et al., 2015; Kooij et al., 2019), there is a notable gap in knowledge concerning its impact on spouses’ well-being.

The socio-ecological model of health emphasizes the dynamic relationship between an individual’s health and their ecological contexts (Kilanowski, 2017), highlighting the importance of exploring the experiences of partners living with individuals diagnosed with ADHD.

What we know:

• ADHD affects approximately 2.5% of adults worldwide (Fayyad et al., 2017).
• ADHD has a significant impact on multiple functional domains, including academic and occupational performance, social relationships, and overall health and well-being (Barkley & Fischer, 2011).
• Previous research has indicated that adult partners, particularly women, are vulnerable to the burden of living with a person with a chronic health condition (Cormican et al., 2022).

What’s the next step:

This study seeks to fill the research gap by exploring the lived experiences of women in relationships with partners diagnosed with ADHD, aiming to enhance understanding of the impact of adult ADHD on partners and inform future research and interventions.

Method

The study employed a descriptive qualitative phenomenological approach. Semi-structured interviews were conducted with thirteen women without ADHD who were in relationships with partners diagnosed with ADHD.

The interviews were audio-recorded, transcribed verbatim, and translated from Hebrew to English. Data analysis followed Braun & Clarke’s (2006) six-phase process of reflexive thematic analysis.

Sample

Participants were thirteen women without ADHD diagnosis, in relationships with male partners diagnosed with ADHD.

Inclusion criteria included the male partner being diagnosed with ADHD by a certified medical professional, the couple being in a relationship for at least two years, and an age limit of 60 years.

Participants ranged in age from 25 to 58 years and had been in relationships with their ADHD partners for 2 to 32 years.

Results

The analysis yielded three primary themes:

ADHD in Everyday Life

Participants described their partners’ ADHD-related challenges, including emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and difficulties in managing day-to-day tasks.

For example, one participant stated, “It’s like it suddenly erupts out of nowhere. Some days he’s edgy, loses patience, and yells at the children” (P2).

Burden Experience

Women reported feeling overwhelmed by daily responsibilities, often describing their role as akin to a “CEO” or “super manager.”

One participant expressed, “I have four children. I didn’t sign up for a fifth” (P3).

Women’s Coping Strategies

Participants developed various coping strategies, including gaining a deeper understanding of ADHD, setting boundaries, and cultivating partnership.

As one participant shared, “I’m learning to carve out time for myself. I realized that if I don’t, no one else will” (P12).

Insight and Depth

This study provides valuable insights into the lived experiences of women in relationships with partners diagnosed with ADHD.

It highlights the substantial burden these women face and the coping strategies they develop.

The research underscores the need to recognize these women as caregivers and a potentially vulnerable group at risk.

The study’s findings suggest that the impact of adult ADHD extends beyond the individual, significantly affecting family dynamics and partner well-being.

Strengths

This study had several methodological strengths, including:

• The study employed a qualitative phenomenological approach, allowing for an in-depth exploration of participants’ lived experiences.
• The use of semi-structured interviews provided rich, detailed data.
• The researchers followed rigorous qualitative analysis procedures, enhancing the credibility of the findings.
• The study addressed a significant gap in the literature regarding the experiences of partners of individuals with ADHD.

Limitations

This study also had several methodological limitations, including:

• The sample was homogeneous, consisting of white, heterosexual women, which limits the generalizability of the findings to other populations.
• The study focused only on women’s perspectives, not including the experiences of male partners or same-sex couples.
• The research was conducted in Israel, which may limit its applicability to other cultural contexts.
• The study relied on self-reported ADHD diagnoses of the partners, which could potentially introduce bias.

Implications

The results of this study have significant implications for healthcare providers, policymakers, and researchers:

1. Recognition of burden: Healthcare providers should recognize the broader social context of adults with ADHD and validate the burden experienced by their partners.
2. Support interventions: There is a need for interventions designed to support women in relationships with adults diagnosed with ADHD. These could include peer support groups, individual counseling, or couples therapy that addresses the unique challenges of living with ADHD in a relationship.
3. Education and counseling: Healthcare providers can offer supportive measures for both partners, such as education about ADHD and guidance on effective coping strategies.
4. Policy considerations: Policymakers should consider the needs of partners of individuals with ADHD when developing support services and healthcare policies.
5. Future research directions: The study highlights the need for further research to better understand the impact of adult ADHD on diverse partners’ functioning and health, as well as pathways to support them.

Conclusion

This study illuminates the significant challenges faced by women in relationships with partners diagnosed with ADHD and the coping strategies they employ.

It underscores the importance of recognizing these women as caregivers and a potentially vulnerable group.

The findings highlight the need for a more comprehensive approach to adult ADHD treatment that considers the impact on partners and the family system.

Further research is needed to explore these experiences in more diverse populations, including different cultural contexts, male partners, and same-sex couples.

Additionally, longitudinal studies could provide insights into how these experiences and coping strategies evolve over time.

The complexity of living with a partner with ADHD is evident from this study. It reveals both challenges and resilience, highlighting the need for greater awareness, support, and interventions tailored to the unique needs of these couples.

By acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can work towards improving the quality of life for individuals with ADHD and their partners.

References

Primary reference

Zeides Taubin, D., & Maeir, A. (2024). “I wish it wasn’t all on me”: women’s experiences living with a partner with ADHD. Disability and Rehabilitation, 46(14), 3017-3025. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638288.2023.2239158

Other references

Barkley, R. A., & Fischer, M. (2011). The unique contribution of emotional impulsiveness to impairment in major life activities in hyperactive children as adults. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 49(5), 503-513. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2010.01.019

Braun, V., & Clarke, V. (2006). Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qualitative research in psychology, 3(2), 77-101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa

Brod, M., Schmitt, E., Goodwin, M., Hodgkins, P., & Niebler, G. (2012). ADHD burden of illness in older adults: a life course perspective. Quality of Life Research, 21, 795-799. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11136-011-9981-9

Cormican, O., Meskell, P., & Dowling, M. (2022). Psychosocial vulnerability among carers of persons living with a chronic illness: A scoping review. International Journal of Nursing Practice, 28(6), e13024. https://doi.org/10.1111/ijn.13024

Fayyad, J., Sampson, N. A., Hwang, I., Adamowski, T., Aguilar-Gaxiola, S., Al-Hamzawi, A., … & Kessler, R. C. (2017). The descriptive epidemiology of DSM-IV Adult ADHD in the World Health Organization World Mental Health Surveys. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 9(1), 47-65.

Kilanowski, J. F. (2017). Breadth of the socio-ecological model. Journal of agromedicine, 22(4), 295-297. https://doi.org/10.1080/1059924X.2017.1358971

Kooij, J. J. S., Bijlenga, D., Salerno, L., Jaeschke, R., Bitter, I., Balazs, J., … & Asherson, P. (2019). Updated European Consensus Statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD. European psychiatry, 56(1), 14-34.

Keep learning

Suggested Socratic questions for a college class to discuss this paper:

1. How might the experiences of male partners of individuals with ADHD differ from those of the women in this study? What factors could contribute to these differences?
2. In what ways might cultural differences impact the experiences and coping strategies of partners of individuals with ADHD? How could we design a study to explore these cultural variations?
3. How do you think the dynamics described in this study might manifest in same-sex relationships where one partner has ADHD?
4. What ethical considerations should be taken into account when designing interventions for partners of individuals with ADHD?
5. How might the findings of this study inform policies related to mental health support and family services? What challenges might arise in implementing such policies?
6. In what ways could the coping strategies developed by these women be applied to other caregiving situations? What adaptations might be necessary?
7. How might the experiences described in this study change over the course of a long-term relationship? What factors could influence these changes?
8. What role do you think societal expectations and gender norms play in shaping the experiences reported by the women in this study?
9. How might the advent of new ADHD treatments or management strategies impact the experiences of partners in the future?
10. In what ways could the findings of this study be used to improve ADHD diagnosis and treatment processes, particularly in considering the family system?