Getting over someone you never dated is a unique process that involves acknowledging your feelings, understanding the difference between fantasy and reality, and moving forward with intention.
1. Acknowledge the feelings
It’s important to first recognise and validate your feelings, no matter how unconventional they may seem.
It is okay to feel a deep sense of loss even for something that never came to be.
Denying or suppressing these emotions won’t make them vanish; instead, it’s crucial to allow yourself to feel the disappointment and sadness fully.
It resonates with how vulnerable it is to love and to stay open.
2. Stop the Storytelling
When you haven’t actually dated someone, there’s a whole world of ‘what ifs’ that your imagination can run wild with.
It’s easy to build up a fantasy of who they are and what a relationship could have been like, which can be way more compelling than the reality of who they actually are.
It’s tempting to build stories in your head about what could have been and how amazing things might have been.
While these thoughts feel comforting, they’re often based on fantasy rather than reality. Understanding why we create these narratives is the first step toward breaking free from them.
When you haven’t had a real relationship, it is easy to create an idealised version of the other person.
This happens because you’re not seeing them for who they are, but for who you want them to be.
You might put them on a pedestal, focusing on their positive attributes and ignoring any potential flaws or red flags.
This pedestal view makes it difficult to see the person realistically
1. Developing awareness
The crucial first step is recognizing when you’re creating these stories. Notice the patterns in your thoughts and when you tend to slip into fantasy thinking.
2. Creating space
Once you are aware of the story you’re creating, it’s time to create some distance.
This might mean creating space between yourself and your thoughts, or physically removing yourself from situations that trigger obsessive thinking.
This could mean avoiding social media or places associated with that person, and stopping conversations with friends about the situation.
3. Challenging your assumptions
Ask yourself these key questions:
- Am I making assumptions about others’ intentions or feelings?
- Am I projecting my own insecurities onto the situation?
- Is this story actually true, or am I adding interpretations not supported by facts?
- What evidence do I have for the narratives I’m creating?
3. Moving forward with intention
In order to move forward, you may also want to examine what you are looking for in a relationship in the long term.
Dating is only worth it if you set the intention and this person is meeting that intention.
You might consider what your needs are and whether the person you’re trying to get over actually aligns with those needs.
Additionally, it can help to recognise that the person you never dated does not have to define your romantic future.
There is always a possibility that you might find a better match for your personality.
There is power in embracing who you are, and moving on from a connection that wasn’t meant to be can be the first step in creating space for more meaningful relationships.
4. Focus on different types of love
Instead of solely focusing on romantic love, one source recommends nurturing different types of love.
‘Romantic love in my life is maybe a little bit of a question mark right now but look at these amazing friends and family and my love for myself my love for my dog whatever like it it focusing on those different types of love I think that’s incredibly smart and incredibly hard to do is it not.’
This involves shifting your attention to the love that is already present in your life, which is not just a romantic connection.
Connecting with friends and family can provide a needed emotional boost, and focusing on your own personal growth can help you to feel more fulfilled and less dependent on external validation.
