Individuals with low emotional intelligence may struggle to identify or express their own emotions and often find it difficult to empathize with others.
This can make them resistant to feedback, hindering their ability to learn and improve.
Difficulty regulating emotions may lead to outbursts of anger or frustration and make it challenging to navigate social situations.
1. Difficulty Understanding emotions
People with low emotional intelligence struggle to identify and understand their own emotions and the emotions of others.
They may have difficulty differentiating between subtle emotional nuances, misinterpreting expressions, or failing to recognize emotional cues in conversations.
With limited emotional awareness, people with low EI find it harder to recognize emotions as they naturally occur.
People with low EI avoid talking about how they feel, trying to hide their true emotions or using very vague language to describe them (e.g., “I feel bad,” “I’m just a little stressed”).
They treat emotions like problems, viewing them as threats to fight rather than temporary messages that will resolve on their own.
They might also have a limited emotional vocabulary, tending to describe emotions in a less nuanced and precise way (David, 2016).
For example, on the range of negative emotions, they might use generic descriptors like “sad” or “angry” to name experiences of boredom, frustration, or impatience.
They may be unaware of how their emotions impact their actions and decision-making. For example, a person with low emotional intelligence may not recognize that their frustration stems from feeling hurt, leading to inappropriate reactions.
This reduced awareness also translates to the emotions of others, which are often neglected or not validated appropriately.
Consequently, people with low EI might be surprised when someone is upset or irritated when others expect them to understand their emotions.
2. Poor Emotional Regulation
People with low EI often have difficulty regulating their own emotions.
Without fully understanding their emotional triggers, they struggle to maintain control of their immediate reactions and might experience overly intense feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness.
They may be prone to emotional outbursts, find it difficult to control their impulses, or allow negative emotions to dominate their thoughts and behaviors.
In stressful situations, they don’t take time to cool off before responding. They tend to respond too quickly, sharply, or disjointly.
As a coping strategy, they might initially try to bottle up uncomfortable emotions by denying them or distracting themselves with other activities.
However, this inevitably leads to emotional leakage, where suppressed emotions re-emerge in an unintended way (David, 2016).
People with low EI can also feel overwhelmed by their emotions to the point where they become particularly vulnerable to stress and develop mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression (Zeidner, Matthews, and Roberts, 2012).
They may find it challenging to recover from setbacks or cope with stressful situations in a healthy manner.
Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle to manage their emotions effectively.
3. Lack of Empathy
One of the most prominent signs of low emotional intelligence is a lack of empathy.
Due to limited social awareness, people with low EI have a reduced ability to empathize and feel compassion toward others (Shutte et al., 2001).
This manifests as an inability to understand and share the feelings of others, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships.
This lack of empathy can lead to behaviors that are perceived as insensitive, inconsiderate, and even hurtful, ultimately hindering the development of healthy relationships.
They want to ‘fix’ negative emotions in others, trying to make them quickly go away rather than patiently sitting with the other person and validating their emotional experience.
When having a conversation, they lack active listening skills, and they are often oblivious to the emotional cues present in their social interactions.
Such individuals may be insensitive to others’ needs and perspectives, often appearing self-centered in social interactions.
In addition to being unresponsive to other people’s emotions, they might also be extremely judgemental and criticize the experiences of others in an insensitive way.
When their inappropriate behavior is noticed by others, they tend to become defensive rather than apologize for their own actions.
4. Poor social skills
Individuals with low emotional intelligence may exhibit poor social skills, making it difficult for them to navigate social situations effectively.
They have difficulty working well within teams, minimizing other people’s points of view, or not actively participating in conversations during meetings.
They also might tend to jump to their own solutions to a problem without allowing others to express alternative plans that might be more effective
Due to difficulty sharing an emotional connection with others, people with low EI often have very few friends.
When someone shares their concerns, they fail to provide appropriate emotional support, or they tend to dismiss the entirety of the problem.
They may struggle to communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly, misinterpret social cues, or act in ways that are considered socially inappropriate.
They also struggle to communicate their feelings assertively, coming across as aggressive or, at the other end of the spectrum, as passive and unclear.
This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and strained relationships.
In situations of disagreement, people with low EI have poor negotiation skills and rigidly hold onto their perspectives (Jordan and Troth, 2004).
This can cause misunderstandings and ultimately lead to escalation of conflicts.
5. Difficulty with Self-Awareness
Low emotional intelligence is often accompanied by a lack of self-awareness.
They are unaware of their own blind spots and have difficulty accepting criticism.
Individuals may be unaware of their strengths and weaknesses, their impact on others, and the underlying reasons for their behaviors.
This lack of introspection can hinder personal growth and prevent them from understanding how their actions contribute to their challenges.
Without self-awareness, individuals are at the mercy of their emotions and may struggle to manage them effectively.
They may be prone to emotional outbursts, make impulsive decisions, or fail to recognize how their feelings are influencing their actions.
6. Resistance to feedback
Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle with self-awareness, leading to blind spots in their perception.
This lack of self-awareness can make them resistant to feedback, as they might overestimate their competence or fail to acknowledge their limitations.
Emotional intelligence also involves the ability to manage one’s emotions effectively, particularly in challenging situations.
Receiving feedback, especially negative feedback, can trigger strong emotional reactions, such as defensiveness, anger, or shame.
Individuals with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to regulate these emotions, allowing them to process the feedback constructively without becoming overwhelmed or lashing out.
Conversely, individuals with low emotional intelligence might struggle to control their emotional responses, leading to resistance or rejection of the feedback.
They might perceive the criticism as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth, hindering their ability to learn and improve.
Consequences Of Low Emotional Intelligence
While low emotional intelligence doesn’t guarantee negative outcomes, it can significantly increase the risk of encountering various challenges throughout life.
Mental health and Wellbeing
Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle to regulate their emotions effectively.
This can lead to frequent emotional outbursts, difficulty coping with stress, and a tendency to let negative emotions dominate their thoughts and behaviors.
These struggles with emotional regulation can significantly impair mental well-being, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and a reduced sense of overall life satisfaction.
Specifically, low EI represents a significant risk factor for the development of mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression, and is associated with greater difficulty dealing with life challenges and transitions.
People with low EI also tend to adopt more dysfunctional coping mechanisms in an attempt to suppress or avoid uncomfortable emotions.
For example, in a study conducted on adolescents, low EI was associated with greater alcohol and tobacco use, possibly due to reduced mental ability to resist unwanted peer pressure (Trinidad and Johnson, 2002).
Low emotional intelligence is associated with reduced resilience, making it harder for individuals to bounce back from setbacks and challenges.
Strained Relationships
Low emotional intelligence can have detrimental effects on relationships.
The lack of empathy makes it challenging to understand and respond to the emotional needs of others.
Additionally, poor emotional regulation and social skills can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and difficulty resolving disputes constructively.
This can result in strained relationships with partners, family members, friends, and colleagues.
In a study on married couples, relationship dissatisfaction was associated with low EI in at least one of the two partners, with reduced frequency of collaborative and affectionate behaviors being one of the strongest predictors (Schutte et al., 2001).
Among teenagers, those with lower EI tend to display more aggressive and conflictual personalities and have poorer quality relationships with their parents (Brackett, Rivers, & Salovey, 2011).
Decreased Work Performance
Emotional intelligence is increasingly recognized as a critical factor in workplace success.
Individuals with higher emotional intelligence tend to perform better in their jobs, particularly in roles requiring leadership, teamwork, and interpersonal communication.
Conversely, low emotional intelligence can hinder job performance, as individuals may struggle to manage stress, work effectively with colleagues, or adapt to changing circumstances.
Emotional intelligence becomes even more crucial as individuals climb the career ladder.
Leadership positions demand a high level of emotional intelligence to effectively motivate, inspire, and manage teams.
Individuals with low emotional intelligence may find their career advancement stalled, as they lack the necessary interpersonal skills to thrive in leadership roles.
Causes Of Low Emotional Intelligence
Early Childhood Experiences
Maladaptive emotions often stem from learning experiences in childhood, particularly those involving intense, frequent, or early exposure to challenging situations.
Formative interactions with parents and caregivers shape how a child develops emotional awareness and empathy (Segrin and Flora, 2019).
For instance, a child consistently exposed to environments where their emotional needs are neglected or invalidated might develop insecure attachment styles and struggle to regulate their emotions effectively.
They might learn to suppress their feelings or react in exaggerated ways, ultimately hindering their emotional intelligence development.
If, in a family, talking about emotions is discouraged, and support is offered in an inconsistent manner, children are more likely to grow with low EI.
Caregivers might have poor emotion regulation skills themselves, and this implies less opportunity for a child to learn effective coping skills.
Another aspect that researchers link to lower EI is parenting style, whereby too authoritative or permissive styles are associated with lower EI, as opposed to a democratic style (Al-Elaimat, Adheisat, and Alomyan, 2020).
In authoritative relationships, the use of threat, punishment, and excessive control reduces a child’s ability to feel safe and express their true emotions.
At the same time, if children are left without guidance, they might be unable to control situations or make decisions that are not commensurate with their age.
In democratic parenting styles, explanation and dialogue are encouraged, helping children to become familiar with a wide range of emotions and ultimately raising their levels of self-confidence and self-reliance.
Cultural Factors
Cultural norms and values can also influence the expression and regulation of emotions, potentially contributing to variations in emotional intelligence across different societies.
For example, cultures that emphasize stoicism or emotional restraint might inadvertently discourage individuals from developing a deep understanding of their own emotions or the ability to express them effectively.
Society often fails to provide explicit education in emotional intelligence. Children are typically not taught how to identify, understand, or manage their emotions effectively.
This lack of formal instruction can lead to deficits in emotional literacy, hindering the development of crucial emotional competencies.
While some individuals might naturally develop emotional intelligence through observation and social interactions, others might require more structured guidance and support to cultivate these skills.
Alexithymia
Alexithymia is a construct used across clinical situations to define difficulties in emotion recognition and expression, limited imaginal capacity, and the tendency to adopt logic and concrete thinking (Hogeveen and Grafman, 2021).
Individuals with alexithymia tend to present with flat, non-emotional affect and might display this symptom as a consequence of a developmental, psychiatric, or neurological condition.
For example, it has been estimated that approximately 50% of individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are also affected by alexithymia, manifesting in differences in social cognition (Kinnaird, Stewart, and Tchanturia, 2019).
Acquired alexithymia can also emerge following a brain injury and is a significant predictor of functional outcomes, including quality of life and interpersonal relationships (Williams and Wood, 2013).
Dealing With Someone With Low Emotional Intelligence
- Focus on what you can control. You can influence your own reactions and communication style, but you cannot control the other person’s emotional intelligence.
- Set realistic expectations. Progress takes time and effort. Don’t expect overnight transformations.
- Protect your own emotional well-being. Establishing boundaries and practicing self-care are essential.
Recognize and accept their limitations
The first step is to recognize that the individual’s low emotional intelligence might manifest in specific behaviors, such as difficulty understanding or managing their emotions, lack of empathy, or challenges in navigating social situations.
Accept that you cannot change their fundamental nature or force them to develop emotional intelligence.
Rather than focusing on the person’s emotional weaknesses, our approach should be directed toward providing empathy and kindness.
By showing that we want to be present and refrain from judgment, we can help the person open up and feel validated for their worth.
Your focus should be on managing your own reactions and finding ways to communicate effectively within the constraints of their emotional limitations.
Focus on clear, direct communication
Individuals with low emotional intelligence might struggle with subtle cues or indirect communication.
Because people with low EI struggle to pick up the emotional nuances in a conversation, we should not expect them always to understand emotions conveyed through our body language or voice tone.
Opt for clear, direct language when expressing your needs or expectations.
If we express our thoughts clearly and explicitly, we can have more productive conversations with them and avoid misunderstandings.
For example, instead of hinting that you’re feeling overwhelmed, explicitly state, “I’m feeling a bit overloaded right now. Could we perhaps revisit this later?”
This directness reduces the chances of misinterpretations or misunderstandings.
Focus on actions rather than emotions
When addressing problems or conflicts, focus on concrete actions and behaviors rather than abstract emotional concepts.
For example, instead of saying, “You need to be more considerate,” provide specific examples of behaviors that you find inconsiderate and suggest alternative ways to handle those situations.
This approach provides tangible guidance that they might be more receptive to.
Not every interaction requires a confrontation or an attempt to educate them about emotional intelligence.
Assess the situation and determine whether it’s worth engaging in a potentially frustrating conversation.
Prioritize issues that directly impact your well-being or the task at hand.
Don’t take their behavior personally
It’s easy to feel hurt or frustrated when someone’s actions seem insensitive or lacking in empathy.
When someone does not respond to our emotional cues, it is natural to become frustrated and want to leave the conversation.
However, remember that their behavior might stem from their limited emotional understanding rather than malicious intent.
Practice detachment and try to view their actions through a lens of compassion.
Recognize that their low emotional intelligence is a challenge for them as well, potentially impacting their relationships and overall well-being.
To avoid creating additional barriers, we can instead make an effort to actively listen to what the other person has to say, demonstrating interest in understanding their point of view.
This will help create greater emotional closeness and possibly elicit further sharing of perspectives (Bodie et al., 2015).
What Is High Emotional Intelligence?
Someone with high EI has the ability to perceive, understand, and manage emotions, both within themselves and in others (Goleman, 1996).
People with high EI can attune to a wide range of emotions, explore them with curiosity, and have insight into how their feelings can influence their thoughts and behaviors.
With greater emotional awareness, they can adapt more easily to changing environments, maintaining an open attitude towards situations or perspectives that are different from their own. High EI also allows one to empathize with others and build stronger long-term relationships (Hansen, 2015).
Overall, emotional intelligence is essential to many aspects of our lives and is a strong predictor of life satisfaction and success (David, 2016).
FAQs
Does emotional intelligence increase with age?
Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence is a flexible skill that can be learned over time and with practice. It, therefore, seems intuitive that our ability to deal with emotional challenges might improve with age.
Research suggests that when making decisions and problem-solving, older adults are better able to balance emotions and rationality (Carstensen et al., 2000).
Emotion regulation skills also seem to improve with age, with a greater ability to manage negative affective states and uplift positive emotions.
At the same time, people’s chronological age might not always match their level of emotional maturity, and for some individuals, more time and consistent practice are needed to develop emotional intelligence (Fariselli, Ghini, and Freedman, 2008).
How can a partner with low emotional intelligence affect the relationship?
When a partner lacks EI, it becomes more difficult to create intimacy, have an open dialogue, and get our emotional needs met.
With reduced emotional awareness, we might also struggle to appraise aspects of the relationship that are not working well and work collaboratively to find a solution that can promote positive change in the relationship (Brackett, Warner, and Bosco, 2005).
EI can promote resourceful problem solving, where both partners are committed to understanding each other’s perspective to find mutually beneficial solutions.
Do narcissists have low emotional intelligence?
In grandiose narcissism, individuals tend to have an inflated view of themselves and overestimate their skills, including emotional abilities.
On self-reported measures of EI, they tend to present high scores. However, there seems to be a discrepancy in their objective levels of emotional ability (Zajenkowski et al., 2018).
Vulnerable narcissists have instead a less positively biased perspective, and due to low self-esteem, they tend to perceive their emotional abilities as rather poor.
In addition, characteristics of vulnerable narcissism, including emotional instability and difficulty sustaining relationships, are related to low ability EQ (Miller et al., 2018).
Do people with low emotional intelligence still have high IQ?
Though IQ and EQ are sometimes related, they represent two separate constructs that might present with different levels of development in the same person (Goleman, 2020).
A person with low EI might still present with a good ability to rationally analyze situations and understand abstract ideas, allowing them to perform well in academic and work contexts.
However, when decisions require to outweigh both rational and emotional components, they tend to prioritize logical reasoning, which can ultimately lead to inflexible patterns of problem-solving.
Is it possible to improve my emotional intelligence?
Yes, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved over time through self-awareness, empathy, active listening, and managing emotions effectively.
Practice and intentional efforts can lead to significant improvements in emotional intelligence.
References
Al-Elaimat, A., Adheisat, M., & Alomyan, H. (2020). The relationship between parenting styles and emotional intelligence of kindergarten children. Early Child Development and Care, 190(4), 478-488.
Bodie, G. D., Vickery, A. J., Cannava, K., & Jones, S. M. (2015). The role of “active listening” in informal helping conversations: Impact on perceptions of listener helpfulness, sensitivity, and supportiveness and discloser emotional improvement. Western Journal of Communication, 79(2), 151-173.
Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., & Salovey, P. (2011). Emotional intelligence: Implications for personal, social, academic, and workplace success. Social and personality psychology compass, 5(1), 88-103.
Brackett, M. A., Warner, R. M., & Bosco, J. S. (2005). Emotional intelligence and relationship quality among couples. Personal relationships, 12(2), 197-212.
Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.
Carstensen, L. L., Pasupathi, M., Mayr, U., & Nesselroade, J. R. (2000). Emotional experience in everyday life across the adult life span. Journal of personality and social psychology, 79(4), 644.
Chen, S. C., & Chen, C. F. (2018). Antecedents and consequences of nurses’ burnout: Leadership effectiveness and emotional intelligence as moderators. Management Decision, 56(4), 777-792.
David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Penguin.
Fariselli, L., Ghini, M., & Freedman, J. (2008). Age and emotional intelligence. Six Seconds: The Emotional Intelligence Network, 1-10.
Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bloomsbury Publishing.
Goleman, D. (2020). Emotional intelligence. Bloomsbury Publishing.
Hogeveen, J., & Grafman, J. (2021). Alexithymia. Handbook of clinical neurology, 183, 47-62.
Hansen, S. (2015). “10 Things High EQ People Don’t Do.” Lifehack. Web.
Hertel, J., Schütz, A., & Lammers, C. H. (2009). Emotional Intelligence and Mental Disorder. JOURNAL OF CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY, 65(9), 942-954.
Jordan, P. J., & Troth, A. C. (2004). Managing emotions during team problem solving: Emotional intelligence and conflict resolution. Human performance, 17(2), 195-218.
Kaufmann, M., Quirin, M., & Baumann, N. (2022). Blaming others: Individual differences in self-projection. Personality and Individual Differences, 196, 111721.
Kinnaird, E., Stewart, C., & Tchanturia, K. (2019). Investigating alexithymia in autism: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Psychiatry, 55, 80-89.
MacCann, C., Jiang, Y., Brown, L. E., Double, K. S., Bucich, M., & Minbashian, A. (2020). Emotional intelligence predicts academic performance: A meta-analysis. Psychological bulletin, 146(2), 150.
Martins, A., Ramalho, N., & Morin, E. (2010). A comprehensive meta-analysis of the relationship between emotional intelligence and health. Personality and individual differences, 49(6), 554-564.
Miao, C., Humphrey, R. H., & Qian, S. (2017). A meta‐analysis of emotional intelligence and work attitudes. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 90(2), 177-202.
Miller, J. D., Lynam, D. R., Vize, C., Crowe, M., Sleep, C., Maples‐Keller, J. L., … & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Vulnerable narcissism is (mostly) a disorder of neuroticism. Journal of personality, 86(2), 186-199.
Petrovici, A., & Dobrescu, T. (2014). The role of emotional intelligence in building interpersonal communication skills. Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences, 116, 1405-1410.
Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Bobik, C., Coston, T. D., Greeson, C., Jedlicka, C., … & Wendorf, G. (2001). Emotional intelligence and interpersonal relations. The Journal of social psychology, 141(4), 523-536.
Segrin, C., & Flora, J. (2019). Fostering social and emotional intelligence: What are the best current strategies in parenting?. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 13(3), e12439.
Trinidad, D. R., & Johnson, C. A. (2002). The association between emotional intelligence and early adolescent tobacco and alcohol use. Personality and individual differences, 32(1), 95-105.
Williams, C., & Wood, R. L. (2013). The impact of alexithymia on relationship quality and satisfaction following traumatic brain injury. The Journal of head trauma rehabilitation, 28(5), E21-E30.
Zajenkowski, M., Maciantowicz, O., Szymaniak, K., & Urban, P. (2018). Vulnerable and grandiose narcissism are differentially associated with ability and trait emotional intelligence. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1606.
Zeidner, M., Matthews, G., & Roberts, R. D. (2012). The emotional intelligence, health, and well‐being nexus: What have we learned and what have we missed?. Applied Psychology: Health and Well‐Being, 4(1), 1-30.
