Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

Individuals with low emotional intelligence may struggle to identify or express their own emotions and often find it difficult to empathize with others.

This can make them resistant to feedback, hindering their ability to learn and improve.

Difficulty regulating emotions may lead to outbursts of anger or frustration and make it challenging to navigate social situations.

1. Difficulty Understanding emotions

People with low emotional intelligence struggle to identify and understand their own emotions and the emotions of others.

They may have difficulty differentiating between subtle emotional nuances, misinterpreting expressions, or failing to recognize emotional cues in conversations.

Their emotional awareness is limited. This makes it harder to recognize emotions as they naturally occur.

People with low EI avoid talking about how they feel. They try to hide their true emotions or use very vague language to describe them (e.g., “I feel bad,” “I’m just a little stressed”).

They treat emotions like problems, viewing them as threats to fight rather than temporary messages that will resolve on their own.

They might also have a limited emotional vocabulary, tending to describe emotions in a less nuanced and precise way (David, 2016).

Their word choices stay blunt. For example, on the range of negative emotions, they might use generic descriptors like “sad” or “angry” to name experiences of boredom, frustration, or impatience.

They may be unaware of how their emotions impact their actions and decision-making. For example, a person with low emotional intelligence may not recognize that their frustration stems from feeling hurt, leading to inappropriate reactions.

The same blind spot applies to other people’s emotions. They are often neglected or not validated appropriately.

Consequently, people with low EI might be surprised when someone is upset or irritated when others expect them to understand their emotions.

2. Poor Emotional Regulation

People with low EI often have difficulty regulating their own emotions.

Without fully understanding their emotional triggers, they struggle to maintain control of their immediate reactions and might experience overly intense feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness.

They may be prone to emotional outbursts. They may also find it difficult to control their impulses or allow negative emotions to dominate their thoughts and behaviors.

In stressful situations, they don’t take time to cool off before responding. They tend to respond too quickly, sharply, or disjointly.

As a coping strategy, they might initially try to bottle up uncomfortable emotions by denying them or distracting themselves with other activities.

However, this inevitably leads to emotional leakage, where suppressed emotions re-emerge in an unintended way (David, 2016).

People with low EI can also feel overwhelmed. Their emotions leave them particularly vulnerable to stress and to mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression (Zeidner, Matthews, and Roberts, 2012).

They may find it challenging to recover from setbacks or cope with stressful situations in a healthy manner.

Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle to manage their emotions effectively.

3. Lack of Empathy

One of the most prominent signs of low emotional intelligence is a lack of empathy.

Social awareness is limited. As a result, people with low EI have a reduced ability to empathize and feel compassion toward others (Schutte et al., 2001).

This shows up as an inability to understand and share the feelings of others. It can lead to behaviors that others perceive as insensitive, inconsiderate, or even hurtful, which makes healthy relationships harder to build.

Lack of empathy typically looks like this:

• Fixing Feelings: They want to ‘fix’ negative emotions in others quickly, rather than patiently sitting with the person and validating their emotional experience.
• Poor Listening: They lack active listening skills and are often oblivious to the emotional cues present in their social interactions.
• Self-Centeredness: They may be insensitive to others’ needs and perspectives, often appearing self-centered in social interactions.
• Harsh Judgement: Besides being unresponsive to other people’s emotions, they might be extremely judgemental and criticize the experiences of others in an insensitive way.
• Defensiveness: When others notice their inappropriate behavior, they tend to become defensive rather than apologize for their own actions.

4. Poor social skills

Individuals with low emotional intelligence may exhibit poor social skills, making it difficult for them to navigate social situations effectively.

Poor social skills tend to show up in several ways:

• Teamwork: They have difficulty working well within teams, minimizing other people’s points of view, or not actively participating in meetings.
• Problem-Solving: They tend to jump to their own solutions without allowing others to express alternative plans that might be more effective.
• Friendships: Due to difficulty sharing an emotional connection with others, people with low EI often have very few friends.
• Emotional Support: When someone shares their concerns, they fail to provide appropriate emotional support, or they tend to dismiss the entirety of the problem.
• Unclear Messages: They may struggle to communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly, misinterpret social cues, or act in ways that are considered socially inappropriate.
• Assertiveness: They also struggle to communicate their feelings assertively, coming across as aggressive or, at the other end of the spectrum, as passive and unclear.
• Negotiation: In situations of disagreement, they have poor negotiation skills and rigidly hold onto their perspectives (Jordan and Troth, 2004).

Together, these patterns breed misunderstandings and strained relationships, and unresolved disagreements can escalate into open conflict.

5. Difficulty with Self-Awareness

Low emotional intelligence is often accompanied by a lack of self-awareness.

They are unaware of their own blind spots. They also have difficulty accepting criticism.

Individuals may be unaware of their strengths and weaknesses, their impact on others, and the underlying reasons for their behaviors.

Self-awareness is easy to overrate. According to Eurich’s (2018) organizational research, about 95% of people believe they are self-aware, but only an estimated 10 to 15% genuinely are. So people with low EI may not see their own gaps, and self-report questionnaires can miss them.

This lack of introspection can hinder personal growth and prevent them from understanding how their actions contribute to their challenges.

Without self-awareness, individuals are at the mercy of their emotions. They may struggle to manage them effectively.

They may be prone to emotional outbursts, make impulsive decisions, or fail to recognize how their feelings are influencing their actions.

6. Resistance to feedback

Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle with self-awareness, leading to blind spots in their perception.

A lack of self-awareness makes feedback hard to hear. They might overestimate their competence or fail to acknowledge their limitations.

Feedback also tests emotion regulation.

Receiving feedback, especially negative feedback, can trigger strong emotional reactions, such as defensiveness, anger, or shame.

Individuals with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to regulate these emotions, allowing them to process the feedback constructively without becoming overwhelmed or lashing out.

Conversely, individuals with low emotional intelligence might struggle to control their emotional responses, leading to resistance or rejection of the feedback.

Criticism feels like a personal attack. They miss the chance to grow, which hinders their ability to learn and improve.

Consequences Of Low Emotional Intelligence 

While low emotional intelligence doesn’t guarantee negative outcomes, it can significantly increase the risk of encountering various challenges throughout life.

Mental health and Wellbeing

Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle to regulate their emotions effectively. That struggle can affect mental health in several ways:

• Mood Disorders: Low EI is linked to a higher risk of mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression, and to lower overall life satisfaction (Hertel et al., 2009; Martins et al., 2010).
• Coping: People with low EI tend to adopt more dysfunctional coping mechanisms, such as suppressing or avoiding uncomfortable emotions.
• Substance Use: In adolescents, low EI was associated with greater alcohol and tobacco use, possibly due to reduced mental ability to resist unwanted peer pressure (Trinidad and Johnson, 2002).
• Resilience: Low EI is associated with reduced resilience and greater difficulty dealing with life challenges and transitions, making it harder to bounce back from setbacks.

Regulation skills appear to matter most. Among 309 adults seeking treatment at a mental health clinic, trait EI captured more of the variation in distress than financial well-being or social support. Self-control and well-being mattered most (Espinosa and Rudenstine, 2020).

A study of 145 adolescents found a similar pattern. Students aged 11 to 13 who managed their emotions better showed fewer anxious, withdrawn, aggressive, and rule-breaking behaviors. Unproductive coping, such as wishful thinking or self-blame, helped explain the link (Downey et al., 2010).

Both studies were cross-sectional and relied on self-report, so neither shows that low EI causes distress.

Strained Relationships

Low emotional intelligence can have detrimental effects on relationships.

The lack of empathy makes it challenging to understand and respond to the emotional needs of others.

Additionally, poor emotional regulation and social skills can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and difficulty resolving disputes constructively.

The strain reaches partners, family, friends, and colleagues.

In a study of married couples, relationship dissatisfaction was associated with low EI in at least one partner. Less frequent collaborative and affectionate behavior was one of the strongest predictors (Schutte et al., 2001).

Low EI in a partner makes intimacy harder. Open dialogue and getting emotional needs met become harder too.

Reduced emotional awareness also makes it difficult to spot what is not working and to look for solutions together (Brackett, Warner, and Bosco, 2005).

Recent work asks how EI affects relationships. In a three-wave study of 175 heterosexual couples across 14 weeks, higher EI predicted better relationship quality for both partners (Xiao et al., 2026).

Of three ways of engaging with a partner’s emotions, only valuing the partner explained that link. The effect did not extend to change over time.

Teenagers with lower EI tend to display more aggressive and conflictual personalities. They also have poorer quality relationships with their parents (Brackett, Rivers, & Salovey, 2011).

Decreased Work Performance 

Emotional intelligence is increasingly recognized as a critical factor in workplace success.

Individuals with higher emotional intelligence tend to perform better in their jobs, particularly in roles requiring leadership, teamwork, and interpersonal communication.

Conversely, low emotional intelligence can hinder job performance, as individuals may struggle to manage stress, work effectively with colleagues, or adapt to changing circumstances.

The link depends on the job:

• Emotionally Demanding Jobs: In one meta-analysis, EI measured by performance tests predicted better performance in jobs with high emotional demands (Joseph and Newman, 2010).
• Low-Demand Jobs: In jobs with low emotional demands, the same measure predicted worse performance (Joseph and Newman, 2010).
• Beyond IQ: Across studies, all three types of EI measure predicted performance beyond cognitive ability and personality (O’Boyle et al., 2011).
• Modest Effects: Even so, measured effects of EI on performance are modest (Mayer, Roberts, and Barsade, 2008).

Emotional intelligence becomes even more crucial as individuals climb the career ladder.

Leadership positions demand a high level of emotional intelligence to effectively motivate, inspire, and manage teams.

Individuals with low emotional intelligence may find their career advancement stalled, as they lack the necessary interpersonal skills to thrive in leadership roles.

How To Improve Emotional Intelligence

Causes Of Low Emotional Intelligence 

Early Childhood Experiences

Maladaptive emotions often stem from learning experiences in childhood, particularly those involving intense, frequent, or early exposure to challenging situations.

Formative interactions with parents and caregivers shape how a child develops emotional awareness and empathy (Segrin and Flora, 2019).

For instance, a child consistently exposed to environments where their emotional needs are neglected or invalidated might develop insecure attachment styles and struggle to regulate their emotions effectively.

They might learn to suppress their feelings or react in exaggerated ways. Their emotional intelligence then develops more slowly.

If, in a family, talking about emotions is discouraged, and support is offered in an inconsistent manner, children are more likely to grow with low EI.

Caregivers might have poor emotion regulation skills themselves, and this implies less opportunity for a child to learn effective coping skills.

Parenting style is another factor. A study of 100 kindergarten children in Jordan linked democratic parenting to higher EI, and authoritative and permissive styles to lower EI (Al-Elaimat, Adheisat, and Alomyan, 2020).

In controlling, authoritarian relationships, the use of threat, punishment, and excessive control reduces a child’s ability to feel safe and express their true emotions.

Permissive parenting has the opposite problem. Children left without guidance might be unable to control situations or make decisions that are appropriate for their age.

Democratic parenting encourages explanation and dialogue. This helps children become familiar with a wide range of emotions and raises their self-confidence and self-reliance.

Cultural Factors

Cultural norms and values can also influence the expression and regulation of emotions, potentially contributing to variations in emotional intelligence across different societies.

For example, cultures that emphasize stoicism or emotional restraint might inadvertently discourage individuals from developing a deep understanding of their own emotions or the ability to express them effectively.

Society often fails to provide explicit education in emotional intelligence. Children are typically not taught how to identify, understand, or manage their emotions effectively.

This lack of formal instruction can lead to deficits in emotional literacy, hindering the development of crucial emotional competencies.

While some individuals might naturally develop emotional intelligence through observation and social interactions, others might require more structured guidance and support to cultivate these skills.

Alexithymia

Alexithymia is difficulty recognizing and expressing emotions. It also involves limited imaginal capacity and a tendency toward logical, concrete thinking (Hogeveen and Grafman, 2021).

People with alexithymia may seem flat or unemotional, but many feel emotions strongly and struggle to identify and describe them. The trait can accompany a developmental, psychiatric, or neurological condition.

For example, an estimated 50% of autistic people also experience alexithymia (Kinnaird, Stewart, and Tchanturia, 2019). It shows up as differences in social cognition.

Acquired alexithymia can also emerge following a brain injury and is a significant predictor of functional outcomes, including quality of life and interpersonal relationships (Williams and Wood, 2013).

Low Emotional Intelligence vs IQ and Personality

Low EI, IQ, and the Big Five

Low EI is not the same as low intelligence or a personality type. Three comparisons help:

• IQ: IQ and EI are related but separate constructs, and they can develop to different degrees in the same person (Goleman, 2020).
• Logic Over Emotion: A person with low EI may reason logically and perform well academically. When decisions need emotional input too, they tend to prioritize logic, which can make problem-solving inflexible.
• Personality: Trait EI sits among the lower-order facets of the Big Five personality traits, so critics worry self-report measures largely relabel personality (Petrides et al., 2007).

Popular claims that EI matters more than IQ are not supported by the data (Mayer, Roberts, and Barsade, 2008). The live debate is whether EI tells us anything that intelligence and personality do not already capture.

Narcissism and Dark Traits

Whether narcissistic people have low EI depends on the type of narcissism (grandiose or vulnerable) and on how EI is measured. In a study of 249 people, the two types differed (Zajenkowski et al., 2018):

• Grandiose Narcissism: Linked to higher self-reported EI but, once both scores were analyzed together, to lower ability EI (EI measured with performance tasks).
• Vulnerable Narcissism: Linked to lower self-reported EI but unrelated to ability EI.

More broadly, EI and the Dark Triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy) tend to move in opposite directions.

A systematic review of 48 studies found that all but one reported a negative overall association between the two (Walker et al., 2021). The review covered adult samples that used standardized EI and Dark Triad measures.

The pattern varied at the facet level.

In two Spanish samples (1,241 students and 392 adults), no group of people combined high EI with high dark traits (Rico-Bordera et al., 2025). The group with very high dark traits had low EI, while the best-adjusted group combined high EI with average narcissism.

High EI is still no guarantee of good intent. Emotional skill can amplify existing dispositions, including manipulative ones (Côté et al., 2011). Our article on the dark side of emotional intelligence covers this in more depth.

Dealing With Someone With Low Emotional Intelligence 

• Focus on what you can control. You can influence your own reactions and communication style, but you cannot control the other person’s emotional intelligence.
• Set realistic expectations. Progress takes time and effort. Don’t expect overnight transformations.
• Protect your own emotional well-being. Establishing boundaries and practicing self-care are essential.

Recognize and accept their limitations

The first step is to recognize how their low emotional intelligence shows up. Common examples include difficulty understanding or managing emotions, lack of empathy, and challenges in navigating social situations.

Accept that you cannot change their fundamental nature. You also cannot force them to develop emotional intelligence.

Rather than focusing on the person’s emotional weaknesses, our approach should be directed toward providing empathy and kindness.

By showing that we want to be present and refrain from judgment, we can help the person open up and feel validated for their worth.

Your focus should be on managing your own reactions and finding ways to communicate effectively within the constraints of their emotional limitations.

Focus on clear, direct communication

Individuals with low emotional intelligence might struggle with subtle cues or indirect communication.

People with low EI struggle to pick up emotional nuances in conversation. We should not expect them to always understand emotions conveyed through body language or tone of voice.

Be clear and direct about your needs or expectations.

If we express our thoughts clearly and explicitly, we can have more productive conversations with them and avoid misunderstandings.

For example, instead of hinting that you’re feeling overwhelmed, explicitly state, “I’m feeling a bit overloaded right now. Could we perhaps revisit this later?”

This directness reduces the chances of misinterpretations or misunderstandings.

Focus on actions rather than emotions

When addressing problems or conflicts, focus on concrete actions and behaviors rather than abstract emotional concepts.

For example, instead of saying, “You need to be more considerate,” provide specific examples of behaviors that you find inconsiderate and suggest alternative ways to handle those situations.

They may be more receptive to tangible guidance.

Not every interaction requires a confrontation or an attempt to educate them about emotional intelligence.

Assess the situation and determine whether it’s worth engaging in a potentially frustrating conversation.

Prioritize what affects your well-being or the task at hand.

Don’t take their behavior personally

It’s easy to feel hurt or frustrated when someone’s actions seem insensitive or lacking in empathy.

When someone does not respond to our emotional cues, it is natural to become frustrated and want to leave the conversation.

However, remember that their behavior might stem from their limited emotional understanding rather than malicious intent.

Practice detachment. Try to view their actions through a lens of compassion.

Recognize that their low emotional intelligence is a challenge for them as well, potentially impacting their relationships and overall well-being.

To avoid creating extra barriers, make an effort to listen actively to what the other person says. Show interest in understanding their point of view.

This will help create greater emotional closeness and possibly elicit further sharing of perspectives (Bodie et al., 2015).

What Is High Emotional Intelligence? 

Someone with high EI has the ability to perceive, understand, and manage emotions, both within themselves and in others (Goleman, 1996).

People with high EI attune to a wide range of emotions. They explore them with curiosity. They also have insight into how their feelings can influence their thoughts and behaviors.

With greater emotional awareness, they can adapt more easily to changing environments, maintaining an open attitude towards situations or perspectives that are different from their own. High EI also allows one to empathize with others and build stronger long-term relationships (Hansen, 2015).

Overall, emotional intelligence is essential to many aspects of our lives and is a strong predictor of life satisfaction and success (David, 2016).

How Emotional Intelligence Is Measured

No single test can say whether someone has low emotional intelligence. Why? Researchers define the concept in different ways, and each definition comes with its own kind of measure.

Mayer and Salovey’s ability model breaks EI into four skills: perceiving, using, understanding, and managing emotions (Mayer and Salovey, 1997).

Goleman’s popular model adds motivation and social skills, grouping EI into five components (Goleman, 1996). The two main ways of measuring it are:

• Ability Tests: These present emotional problems, such as identifying the emotion in a face, and score answers for correctness.
• Self-Report Scales: People rate statements about their own emotional behavior. They are quick to give, but they capture how emotionally skilled people believe they are.

The two approaches barely correlate, often around r = .2 or less (Joseph and Newman, 2010). Someone can rate themselves as emotionally skilled yet perform poorly on emotional problems, or the reverse. The signs in this article therefore describe patterns of behavior, not a formal diagnosis.

Can Emotional Intelligence Improve?

Researchers debate whether you can improve emotional intelligence. Trait EI, which sits within personality, is relatively stable. Emotional skills and workplace competencies are more plausibly trainable.

Age may help. In an experience-sampling study of 184 people aged 18 to 94, negative emotions became less frequent until around age 60. Older adults also described their emotions in more differentiated ways (Carstensen et al., 2000). Age alone is no guarantee, so practice still matters.

Research on emotion regulation points to three practices that work:

• Name the Feeling: Labeling the emotion a distressing image evoked reduced activity in the amygdala, a brain region involved in emotional reactions (Lieberman et al., 2007).
• Be Specific: People who distinguish “anxious” from “irritable” or “disappointed”, rather than just feeling “bad”, regulate emotions more effectively (Barrett et al., 2001).
• Reframe Early: Reframing a situation before the emotion peaks reduces negative experience at little cost. Suppressing the outward signs leaves the feeling intact and raises physiological load (Gross, 2002).

How To Improve Emotional Intelligence

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