Signs of Secure Attachment in Infants

Secure attachment is a deep sense of trust in a caregiver’s availability and responsiveness. Infants with a secure attachment style show confidence that their emotional and physical needs will be met, allowing them to explore the world, engage in relationships, and regulate emotions effectively.

Exploration from a Secure Base

• When the caregiver is present, secure infants use them as a “secure base” from which to explore the environment. They are content to move away from the caregiver, but keep track of their movements and occasionally return to them. This shows a happy balance between exploration and attachment.
• When the attachment behavioural system is activated at a low intensity (i.e., when they feel secure), the exploratory system can be activated at a higher level by novel features of the environment.
• This interlinking system prompts the infant to explore intriguing objects away from the secure base, while also preventing them from straying too far or for too long.
• If the caregiver moves away, confident exploration comes to an abrupt end, and the infant will return to the caregiver quickly, showing distress.
• Secure infants are more active in play and have longer attention spans, engaging in more symbolic play.

Everyday Behaviour & Communication

• Secure infants cry less than insecurely attached infants, especially in response to ordinary brief separations.
• They respond more positively to being picked up and less negatively to being put down.
• They are more cooperative to their mother’s requests.
• By the end of the first year, they have developed more varied and subtle means of communicating with their mothers.
• They are less likely to express anger when frustrated.
• They can openly express a full range of emotions, both positive and negative, without needing to defend against negative feelings.
• In general, their interactions with caregivers are characterized by being well-timed, reciprocal, and mutually rewarding, or “synchronous”.

---

How to raise a securely attached child

Raising a securely attached child involves fostering a consistent and sensitive caregiving relationship that meets the child’s fundamental needs for safety, comfort, and the freedom to explore.

The underlying principle is that secure attachment develops when an infant learns to trust that their primary caregiver will be reliably available and responsive to their signals.

Caregiver Behavior	What It Builds in the Child
Offers emotional and physical safety	Confidence to explore and engage with the world
Responds to emotions with sensitivity	Trust in others, emotional resilience
Supports exploration without control	Independence, curiosity, problem-solving
Engages in emotional “conversations”	Communication skills, social bonding
Repairs disconnection when it happens	Resilience and trust in relationships

1. Be a secure base physically and emotionally

One of the most important things a caregiver can offer is a sense of safety.

In attachment theory, this is called being a secure base – a person a child can trust while they explore the world.

When a child knows they can count on their caregiver to be emotionally present and responsive, they feel confident enough to play, try new things, and connect with others.

They know that if something goes wrong or they feel unsure, their caregiver will be there to support and comfort them.

What this looks like in everyday life:

• A baby plays with toys while checking back to see if a parent is nearby.
• A toddler falls, runs to a caregiver for comfort, and then happily returns to play.
• A preschooler tries something new at the playground, knowing their parent is watching and cheering them on.

Children thrive when they feel protected—but also free to explore. Caregivers who provide this balance help children become curious, confident, and emotionally secure.

For example:

Imagine an infant crawling into a new room.

A securely attached baby will typically use their caregiver as a “secure base” from which to explore.

They might crawl a short distance, then turn back to look at their parent, smile, or even return briefly for a quick touch or “check-in” before venturing out again.

This shows a healthy balance between their attachment system (seeking proximity) and their exploratory system (engaging with novelty).

They are content to move away, but they keep track of their caregiver’s movements, knowing they can return if needed

Supporting a Child’s Exploration

Children are naturally curious, and they learn by interacting with the world. But to explore confidently, they need to feel emotionally safe.

Caregivers can:

• Stay nearby while encouraging independence.
• Let children try things on their own, stepping in only when needed.
• Avoid hovering or giving constant instructions—this can make children feel anxious or unsure.

🔍 Why it matters: If a child is stopped from exploring, or made to feel afraid of mistakes, they may develop anxious attachment, where they fear failure or disapproval. On the other hand, freedom paired with support builds confidence and trust – not just in others, but in themselves.

2. Make Sure Your Child Feels Seen and Understood

Babies and young children rely on adults to meet their needs – and their only way to communicate, at first, is through signals like crying, fussing, or reaching out.

When caregivers respond in a way that says, “I see you, and I understand what you need,” children begin to feel safe in the world. Over time, this helps them feel that:

• Their emotions are valid.
• Others can be trusted.
• They don’t have to hide or suppress their feelings.

🧠 Secure attachment forms when a child repeatedly experiences consistent, attuned responses to their emotional needs.

Interactional Synchrony: The First “Conversations”

Even before babies can talk, they “communicate” with caregivers through eye contact, facial expressions, sounds, and movement.

Interactional synchrony is what happens when a caregiver and baby fall into a kind of natural rhythm – responding to each other in a back-and-forth way, like a dance.

• A baby coos, and a parent smiles and talks back.
• A caregiver imitates the baby’s facial expression, and the baby laughs.
• The parent gently withdraws if the baby seems overstimulated.

These early “conversations” teach babies how relationships work: I act, you respond. You act, I respond. We are connected.

🔍 Synchrony helps the baby feel safe, understood, and emotionally connected. It also lays the groundwork for later emotional regulation and social skills.

Emotional Attunement: Feeling Felt

Attunement means really tuning in to what a child is feeling and showing them that their emotions are understood and accepted.

This involves:

• Reading subtle cues (like a change in tone, facial expression, or energy).
• Responding not just with care, but in a way that matches the child’s emotional state.
• Using soothing voice, touch, and expressions to show empathy.

🗨️ “You’re upset because your toy broke. I see how sad you are. I’m here with you.”

No caregiver can be perfectly attuned all the time—and that’s okay.

What matters most is repairing missteps when they happen.

If a parent misreads a child’s emotion, noticing and fixing it builds trust.

💡 Good news: Research shows caregivers only need to get it right around 30% of the time. It’s not about perfection—it’s about consistency and repair.

What attuned responses involve:

1. Reading the child’s emotional cues.
2. Responding in a way that’s emotionally connected (not just copying).
3. Making sure the child feels that the response fits their experience.

When Attunement Is Missing

Sometimes, even well-meaning caregivers can miss the mark. A parent might be loving but emotionally disconnected —busy, stressed, or distracted.

When a child consistently feels unseen or misunderstood, they may begin to hide their true feelings or feel they have to act a certain way to be accepted.

Proximate Separation: Present, But Disconnected

Sometimes caregivers are physically there—but emotionally absent. This is called proximate separation. It can be just as stressful for a child as being physically apart.

Examples include:

• A parent looking at their phone during playtime.
• A parent smiling or talking, but not responding in tune with the child’s emotions.
• Overstimulating a tired baby instead of noticing their need for rest.

🧪 Research shows that these moments register on a physiological level – even if the child isn’t aware of what’s missing.

Over time, repeated emotional disconnection can lead to stress, insecurity, and even long-term challenges in adult relationships.

Effective Use of Caregiver as a Safe Haven for Comfort and Emotional Regulation

The primary function of a safe haven is to provide comfort, support, and security when an individual is alarmed, frightened, unwell, or stressed.

When a child is distressed, the parent acts as a safe haven by helping to regulate the child’s emotions through soothing, singing, smiling, and rocking.

This external co-regulation helps the infant to eventually internalise self-soothing strategies. The aim is to calm the nervous system and restore emotional balance.

For instance, babies’ cortisol levels have been observed to plummet when they are picked up and held during stressful incidents.

The effectiveness of a safe haven is measured by its capacity to alleviate distress and bolster personal adjustment through constructive and flexible mechanisms

Sources

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.

Baldwin, M.W., & Fehr, B. (1995). On the instability of attachment style ratings. Personal Relationships, 2, 247-261.

Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four-Category Model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61 (2), 226–244.

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Volume I. Attachment . London: Hogarth Press.

Brazelton, T. B., Tronick, E., Adamson, L., Als, H., & Wise, S. (1975). Early mother-infant reciprocity. Parent-infant interaction, 33(137-154), 122.

Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment: An integrative overview. In J. A. Simpson & W. S. Rholes (Eds.), Attachment theory and close relationships (p. 46–76). The Guilford Press.

Brennan, K. A., & Shaver, P. R. (1995). Dimensions of adult attachment, affect regulation, and romantic relationship functioning. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 21 (3), 267–283.

Bylsma, W. H., Cozzarelli, C., & Sumer, N. (1997). Relation between adult attachment styles and global self-esteem.  Basic and applied social psychology, 19 (1), 1-16.

Conrad, R., Forstner, A. J., Chung, M. L., Mücke, M., Geiser, F., Schumacher, J., & Carnehl, F. (2021). Significance of anger suppression and preoccupied attachment in social anxiety disorder: a cross-sectional study.  BMC psychiatry, 21 (1), 1-9.

Caron, A., Lafontaine, M., Bureau, J., Levesque, C., and Johnson, S.M. (2012). Comparisons of Close Relationships: An Evaluation of Relationship Quality and Patterns of Attachment to Parents, Friends, and Romantic Partners in Young Adults. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 44 (4), 245-256.

Cassidy, J., & Berlin, L. J. (1994). The insecure/ambivalent pattern of attachment: Theory and research.  Child development,  65 (4), 971-991.

Collins, N. L., & Read, S. J. (1994). Cognitive representations of adult attachment: The structure and function of working models. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.) Advances in personal relationships, Vol. 5: Attachment processes in adulthood(pp. 53-90). London: Jessica Kingsley.

Favez, N., & Tissot, H. (2019). Fearful-avoidant attachment: a specific impact on sexuality?. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 45(6), 510-523.

Field, T. (1985). Attachment as psychobiological attunement: Being on the same wavelength. The psychobiology of attachment and separation, 4152, 454.

Finzi, R., Cohen, O., Sapir, Y., & Weizman, A. (2000). Attachment styles in maltreated children: A comparative study.  Child Psychiatry and Human Development, 31 (2), 113-128.

Fraley, R. C., & Roisman, G. I. (2019). The development of adult attachment styles: Four lessons.  Current opinion in psychology,  25, 26-30.

Gause, N. K., Sales, J. M., Brown, J. L., Pelham, W. E. III, Liu, Y., & West, S. G. (2022). The protective role of secure attachment in the relationship between experiences of childhood abuse, emotion dysregulation and coping, and behavioral and mental health problems among emerging adult Black women: A moderated mediation analysis. Journal of Psychopathology and Clinical Science, 131(7), 716–726.

Haft, W. L., & Slade, A. (1989). Affect attunement and maternal attachment: A pilot study. Infant mental health journal, 10(3), 157-172.

Hashworth, T., Reis, S., & Grenyer, B. F. (2021). Personal agency in borderline personality disorder: The impact of adult attachment style.  Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 2224.

Hartup, W. W. (1993). Adolescents and their friends.  New directions for child and adolescent development, 1993 (60), 3-22.

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52 (3), 511–524.

Hoghughi, M., & Speight, A. N. P. (1998). Good enough parenting for all children—a strategy for a healthier society. Archives of disease in childhood, 78(4), 293-296.

Main, M., Kaplan, N., & Cassidy, J. (1985). Security in infancy, childhood and adulthood: A move to the level of representation. In I. Bretherton & E. Waters (Eds.), Growing points of attachment theory and research. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 50 (1-2), 66-104.

Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1986). Discovery of an insecure-disorganized/disoriented attachment pattern. In T. B. Brazelton & M. W. Yogman (Eds.), Affective development in infancy . Ablex Publishing.

Meins, E. (2013). Sensitive attunement to infants’ internal states: Operationalizing the construct of mind-mindedness. Attachment & Human Development, 15(5-6), 524-544.

Moghadam, M., Rezaei, F., Ghaderi, E., & Rostamian, N. (2016). Relationship between attachment styles and happiness in medical students. Journal of family medicine and primary care, 5 (3), 593–599.

Murray, L. (1985). Emotional regulations of interactions between two-month-oldsand their mothers. Social perception in infants, 177-197.

Powell, B., Cooper, G., Hoffman, K., & Marvin, B. (2013). The circle of security intervention: Enhancing attachment in early parent-child relationships. Guilford publications.

Rodrigues, G. A., Waslin, S. M., Nair, T. K., Kerns, K. A., & Brumariu, L. E. (2025). Parental emotion socialization and parent–child attachment security: A meta-analytic review. Emotion, 25(3), 775–781.

Schore, A. N. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant mental health journal: official publication of the world association for infant mental health, 22(1‐2), 7-66.

Schore, J. R., & Schore, A. N. (2008). Modern attachment theory: The central role of affect regulation in development and treatment. Clinical social work journal, 36(1), 9-20.

Sechi, C., Vismara, L., Brennstuhl, M. J., Tarquinio, C., & Lucarelli, L. (2020). Adult attachment styles, self-esteem, and quality of life in women with fibromyalgia.  Health Psychology Open,  7 (2), 2055102920947921.

Simpson, J. A. (1990). Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships.  Journal of Personality and Social psychology, 59 (5), 971.

Stern, D. N. (2018). The interpersonal world of the infant: A view from psychoanalysis and developmental Psychology. Routledge.

Waters, E., Merrick, S., Treboux, D., Crowell, J., & Albersheim, L. (2000). Attachment security in infancy and early adulthood: A twenty-year longitudinal study. Child Development, 71 (3), 684-689.

Weinberg, M. K., Beeghly, M., Olson, K. L., & Tronick, E. (2008). A still-face paradigm for young children: 2½ year-olds’ reactions to maternal unavailability during the still-face. The journal of developmental processes, 3(1), 4.