Attachment styles are expectations people develop about relationships with others, and the first attachment is based on the relationship individuals had with their primary caregiver when they were infants.
What is my attachment style?
The following statements explore how you typically feel in emotionally intimate relationships, both past and present.
This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship, but should be an individual with whom you feel (or have felt) the most connection.
For example, it can be your primary “go-to” person, a friend, or even a work colleague on whom you rely if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate with, or call with good news.
Respond to each statement by selecting a number to indicate how much you agree or disagree with the statement.
Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 5:
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neutral
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree
NOTE: This attachment style quiz is meant as an educational tool, but is not meant as an official diagnosis or clinical assessment.
Secure attachment
- I feel comfortable expressing my emotions and thoughts to others
- I am comfortable depending on others for help when necessary
- I can maintain a healthy balance between intimacy and independence in relationships
- I feel comfortable being vulnerable with my partner
- I respect my partner’s needs and boundaries and am comfortable setting my own
People with secure attachments generally have positive views of themselves and others. They're comfortable with intimacy and independence, can communicate emotions effectively, and have stable, satisfying relationships.
Anxious attachment
- I worry whether people like me or not
- I rely heavily on my partner’s approval and validation to feel good about myself
- I often use physical closeness (like hugging) to reduce my anxiety in relationships
- I often feel that I’m not good enough to be in my relationship and question why my partner would want to be with me
- I become highly emotionally reactive when my partner is not available
Anxious attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for closeness, fear of abandonment, and heightened emotional responses in relationships.
Individuals with this style often seek constant reassurance and may become overly dependent on their partners.
If you tend to feel insecure, worry about rejection, or are clingy with romantic partners, you may have an anxious attachment style.
Avoidant attachment
- I feel uncomfortable when others try to get emotionally close to me
- I prioritize self-reliance over seeking emotional support from others
- I find it difficult to trust others completely
- I value my independence more than close relationships
- I tend to downplay or suppress my emotions
Avoidant attachment style is a psychological and emotional pattern characterized by an individual’s tendency to avoid emotional closeness and dismiss the importance of intimate relationships, often as a self-protective measure.
Avoidant individuals tend to have a negative view of others and a mostly positive view of themselves. They believe other people are untrustworthy and dishonest, whereas they are confident and capable and do not need the support of anyone else.
Fearful-avoidant attachment
- You have conflicting desires for closeness and distance
- Your behavior in relationships may be unpredictable
- You may have trouble regulating emotions
- I need control and security in my relationships, but I don’t know how to achieve this
- I generally have a negative view of myself and others
- My relationships tend to have many extreme highs and lows.
- The person I want to go to for safety is often the same person I’m frightened to be close to
- I tend to create drama in my relationships without intending to
Fearful-avoidant attachment is often rooted in childhood trauma or inconsistent caregiving. People with this attachment style typically want close relationships but fear being hurt or rejected.
This leads to push-pull behaviors and emotional turbulence in relationships.
If you identify with these traits, working with a therapist specializing in attachment issues can be helpful in developing more secure attachment patterns and healthier relationships.
Scoring
For each attachment style, sum your scores for the corresponding 5 questions:
- Secure attachment: Sum of questions 1-5
- Anxious attachment: Sum of questions 6-10
- Avoidant attachment: Sum of questions 11-15
- Fearful-avoidant attachment: Sum of questions 16-20
The attachment style with the highest score is likely your predominant style. However, it’s common to have traits from multiple styles.
To get a more accurate assessment, you could:
- Take a validated attachment style questionnaire
- Reflect on your relationship patterns and behaviors
- Consult with a mental health professional
Additional Notes
- Remember, most people don’t fit perfectly into one category and may have traits from multiple styles.
- Attachment styles can change over time with self-awareness and effort.
- This quiz is a starting point for self-reflection, not a clinical diagnosis.
- Consider seeking help from a mental health professional for a more thorough assessment and guidance on improving relationship patterns.
- Regardless of your attachment style, it’s possible to develop more secure attachment behaviors through therapy, self-help resources, and conscious effort in relationships.
Remember, the goal is not to label yourself, but to understand your patterns and work towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Reference
Fraley, R. C., Waller, N. G., & Brennan, K. A. (2000). An item-response theory analysis of self-report
measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 350-365.
