Autistic individuals often experience eye contact differently compared to neurotypical people. While eye contact can be an important social cue, it can also be overwhelming or distressing for many of us.
Differences in eye contact is a well-documented characteristic of autism, noted as early as Kanner (1943).
This difference manifests in a variety of ways, including a decreased fixation on others’ eyes, differences in eye contact patterns, and looking at less socially relevant stimuli.
Eye contact is considered to be the most important aspect of social communication to many people. It can demonstrate active listening, and interest in the other person, fosters trust, and can build social connections with others (note that this is more the case in Western cultures).
Eye contact’s importance means it gets much attention within autism research and diagnosis.
How neurotypical people view lack of eye contact
Neurotypical individuals generally view a lack of eye contact negatively.
If making and maintaining eye contact is viewed as a sign of attentiveness, engagement, and sincerity, then a lack of eye contact in autistic people may be viewed as:
- Disinterest in the person or the conversation
- Not listening or disengagement
- Dishonesty or lying
- Avoidance or wanting to end the interaction
- Rudeness or disrespect
- Low confidence or lack of social skills
Neurotypical interpretations of eye contact can lead to negative social outcomes for autistic people such as misunderstandings and misinterpretations.
A common misinterpretation might be that autistic people are not interested in social relationships.
This can make it difficult to make friends and cause barriers at work, social gatherings, and romantic relationships.
Why is eye contact challenging for autistic individuals?
Eye contact can be a difficult experience for autistic individuals, and we often describe it negatively. Making and maintaining eye contact can be described as:
- Uncomfortable
- Painful
- Unnatural
- Embarrassing
- Awkward
- Intimate
- Overwhelming
Note that since autism is a spectrum, not every autistic person finds eye contact challenging.
Many autistic individuals explain that they are fine with eye contact but describe how it still feels unnatural or how they accommodate to make it feel better such as looking at the other person’s forehead, nose, or mouth instead of the eyes.
“I don’t struggle with it but I have to be conscious about doing it.”
“I don’t have a problem with it, but It doesn’t come as naturally for me. I always look people in the eye when they are speaking, but when I speak I usually drop eye contact in order to focus on my words.”
“I’m fine with it with people I’m comfortable with… I have trouble doing it with people who make me nervous and new/unfamiliar people.”
These experiences could mean that although autistic people can make eye contact, there is still something different or uncomfortable with it.
There may be several interconnected reasons why we struggle with eye contact, which are outlined below:
Sensory overload
Eye contact can feel intensely stimulating for us, leading to sensory overload.
Autistic people may describe eye contact as overwhelming and anxiety-inducing, reporting unpleasant physiological and emotional reactions.
If I force myself to make eye contact for an extended amount of time, my jaw is tense and my head feels intensely fuzzy. Once alone, I might need to rest in a quiet room to decompress.
Hyperarousal
The hyperarousal model suggests autistic individuals actively avoid eye contact to avoid negative emotional arousal.
Direct gaze can elicit heightened autonomic arousal responses in autistic children and adolescents compared to averted gaze or closed eyes.
Looking at someone’s eyes can also trigger a feeling of being invaded or violated for some autistic individuals.
“It’s far too intimate, especially with someone I don’t know. Eye contact is on the same level of kissing for me. I’m definitely not going to go up and kiss a random stranger.”
This can feel threatening and some autistic people may describe this as similar to activation of the fight or flight response.
“When I look into someone’s eyes, I feel either frozen, or immediately confused on what I should be doing now that I’m making eye contact.”
Cognitive overload
Maintaining eye contact while simultaneously processing information from other sensory modalities, such as listening to speech, can be difficult for us.
If I am focused on maintaining eye contact then I am likely to have distracting thoughts floating around in my mind:
I need to look at them so they know I am listening. Am I looking too much? This feels too intense. I should look away for a second. Oh no, they’re going to think I’m not interested so I should keep looking at them. Their eyes are an unusual shade of blue. Should I be smiling and nodding along too? Am I even listening? What are they saying?
“…when I try to make eye contact, I genuinely have trouble understanding what the other person is saying, as if I suddenly don’t speak the language they are speaking.”
So, despite people agreeing that eye contact shows you are paying attention, for many autistic people, making eye contact means we are paying less attention.
Social motivation
The social motivation model postulates that autistic individuals may not find eye contact inherently rewarding or motivating.
This model suggests that the amygdala, a brain region involved in processing emotions and social information, may not prioritize social stimuli in the same way as in neurotypical individuals.
Learned experiences
Negative experiences and social pressure related to eye contact can reinforce avoidance behaviors.
For instance, autistic individuals might have been repeatedly told to make eye contact or criticized for their lack of it. These experiences can create a learned aversion, leading to further avoidance.
Or, autistic individuals may force eye contact for fear of criticism or bullying so then we are putting ourselves in uncomfortable, negative experiences to avoid judgment.
“I was told as a very small child that if I didn’t make eye contact with people it meant I was a liar.”
Should we force eye contact?
Many autistic people grow up learning how important eye contact is and early interventions for autistic children commonly include methods for increasing eye contact.
But is forcing eye contact actually benefitting anyone?
There might be times when making eye contact is the safest option such as in job interviews where you want to make a good first impression and you don’t feel comfortable disclosing your autism diagnosis.
It can be argued that forcing eye contact makes the neurotypical people in our lives feel more comfortable while making autistic people feel uncomfortable.
Making eye contact can be anxiety-provoking and even painful for many autistic people. It does not equate to the autistic person having better social skills (if anything, it can decrease attention) so forcing this behavior is counterproductive.
Forcing eye contact encourages autistic people to mask (or camouflage) their autistic traits and ‘fit in’ better with neurotypical peers. It is a common example of autism masking.
Masking, while it can make us feel safer in certain situations, can be detrimental to our mental health and can result in more frequent burnout. It can leave us questioning our identity and can feel exhausting.
Differences in eye contact are a fundamental sign of autism so we should not be trying to “fix” this behavior to fit in with what is considered “typical.”
It’s essential to understand that a lack of eye contact from an autistic person is not necessarily a sign of disrespect or disinterest.
It often stems from underlying neurological differences and should be met with understanding and acceptance rather than judgment or pressure to conform.
Advice for autistic individuals
Prioritize your wellbeing
If eye contact causes you significant anxiety or discomfort, it’s perfectly acceptable to avoid it or limit it as much as possible.
Your comfort and well-being should be prioritized over societal expectations that may not be realistic or appropriate for you.
Communicate your needs
Consider explaining your difficulties with eye contact to others if you feel comfortable doing so.
You could use a cover story if you are not comfortable disclosing your autism diagnosis such as saying that you need to look away to concentrate on listening.
Develop coping strategies
Try to develop some coping strategies such as switching to focusing your gaze to the space between the eyes to simulate eye contact without the intensity of direct gaze.
Use sunglasses if you are outside so the other person cannot see your eyes and so you can relax a bit more.
Also, try having breaks by going to the bathroom or stepping out of social situations as a way to prevent feeling burnt out from eye contact.
Gradually reduce eye contact
It can be difficult to drop forced eye contact completely if you (and others) have become so used to it.
Take small steps by spending a few minutes of the conversation avoiding eye contact and see how the other person responds.
You might find that they do not comment on or even notice this difference. Try it for longer periods of time until you feel more comfortable at the amount of eye contact you are giving (or not giving.)
It might be helpful to engage in social interactions where the focus isn’t solely on sit-down conversations such as walking together or a painting class so your gaze can shift elsewhere.
Advice for neurotypical individuals
Educate yourself about autism and eye contact
Understand that differences in eye contact is a common autistic characteristic, often stemming from sensory sensitivities and information processing differences. It’s not a sign of disrespect, disinterest, or rudeness.
Avoid judging or pressuring eye contact
Refrain from making assumptions about an autistic person’s attention or engagement solely based on their eye contact.
Forcing eye contact can be detrimental and counterproductive, causing unnecessary anxiety and potentially reinforcing avoidance behaviors.
Focus on other cues of communication and engagement
Autistic individuals may communicate their attention and interest through alternative means, such as body language, verbal cues, or a strong focus on the task at hand.
Learn to recognize and value these diverse forms of communication.
Be patient and understanding
Social interactions may require more effort and processing time for autistic individuals. Be patient and allow them the space and time they need to communicate effectively.
Create an inclusive environment
Foster an atmosphere of acceptance and accommodation, where autistic individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves authentically without the pressure to conform to neurotypical norms
References
Garvey, A., Ryan, C., & Murphy, M. (2024). Deliberate and Self-Conscious Adaptation of Eye-Contact by Autistic Adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 1-12. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-024-06296-4
Hirsch, J., Zhang, X., Noah, J. A., Dravida, S., Naples, A., Tiede, M., … & McPartland, J. C. (2022). Neural correlates of eye contact and social function in autism spectrum disorder. Plos one, 17(11), e0265798. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0265798
Kanner, L. (1943). Autistic disturbances of affective contact. Nervous child, 2(3), 217-250.
Kleinke, C. L. (1986). Gaze and eye contact: A research review. Psychological Bulletin, 100(1), 78–100. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.100.1.78
Madipakkam, A. R., Rothkirch, M., Dziobek, I., & Sterzer, P. (2017). Unconscious avoidance of eye contact in autism spectrum disorder. Scientific reports, 7(1), 13378. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-017-13945-5
Senju, A., & Johnson, M. H. (2009). Atypical eye contact in autism: models, mechanisms and development. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 33(8), 1204-1214. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2009.06.001
Thorsson, M., Galazka, M. A., Åsberg Johnels, J., & Hadjikhani, N. (2024). Influence of autistic traits and communication role on eye contact behavior during face-to-face interaction. Scientific Reports, 14(1), 8162. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-58701-8
Trevisan, D. A., Roberts, N., Lin, C., & Birmingham, E. (2017). How do adults and teens with self-declared Autism Spectrum Disorder experience eye contact? A qualitative analysis of first-hand accounts. PloS one, 12(11), e0188446. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0188446
