To make a man like you, show genuine interest in who he is, be curious about his world, and reveal your own. Let him see you in your element, doing what excites you. Don’t try to be someone you’re not; instead, focus on being your authentic self.
1. Don’t Chase, Create Opportunity
Rather than pursuing someone, create an environment where they feel compelled to come to you.
This involves subtle cues that suggest you are open to interaction, and then observing their response.
This also involves not over-investing too early in a relationship so that you don’t give away all your power or make yourself too available.
2. Dropping the Handkerchief
This concept involves creating opportunities for someone to initiate conversation or interaction, making it seem like it was their idea.
Examples include:
- Making eye contact and smiling warmly.
- Positioning yourself in places where interaction is likely, such as a communal table in a coffee shop.
- Using situational comments to naturally insert yourself into a conversation.
- Offering genuine compliments on something specific about them.
3. Subtle Flirting
Rather than overtly expressing interest, flirt subtly and gauge their reaction.
This is a dance of step forward, step back where you make a small move and see how they respond before going further.
Specific examples include:
- Complimenting someone’s style in a slightly indirect way.
- Making more eye contact than usual.
- Creating a sense of mystery by not being overly available or giving everything away too soon.
4. Be Authentic
People are universally drawn to authenticity and confidence.
This attraction stems from authenticity’s core elements: having your own distinct point of view, embracing your unique personality, and bringing these genuine qualities to your relationships.
Being authentic means not pretending to be someone you’re not.
Rather than strategizing to make others interested in you, focus on expressing your true self.
The natural result is that the more genuinely yourself you become, the more attractive you are to others.
5. The Power of Independence
Desire is often felt when someone is independent and in their element.
People are attracted to others who don’t need them, but choose them. Being happy and having meaning and joy in your life is very attractive to others.
When you are engaged in activities that light you up and that are not about your partner, it makes you magnetic.
This is because when someone is in their element, they don’t appear to need you, they are focused and happy, and that is very attractive.
6. Show Confidence
Confidence is a total game-changer.
When someone is sure of themselves, it’s magnetic.
Confidence doesn’t mean being loud, aggressive, or arrogant; it’s about quiet inner strength, self-respect, and an unwavering belief in your own capabilities and worth.
It’s about owning your space, knowing your worth, and being comfortable in your skin.
Confidence isn’t a destination but a continuous journey of self-discovery and growth. It ebbs and flows, and there will be days when you feel more confident than others.
What matters most is that you keep showing up for yourself, keep challenging your own limiting beliefs, and keep believing in your inherent worth.
Remember, your value does not depend on what other people think of you.
It’s about showing up as your authentic self, imperfections and all, and embracing the beautiful and unique journey that is yours.
And you know what? That’s utterly gorgeous.
7. Be Vulnerable
It might seem counterintuitive, but vulnerability is actually a sign of strength.
Vulnerability can be a very attractive quality.
It’s about letting go of your ego and defensiveness and allowing another person into your world.
It means showing your true self, imperfections and all. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
This kind of openness creates a sense of intimacy and connection that is incredibly powerful.
However, true vulnerability can’t be forced or demanded, it grows out of trust, closeness and risk.
8. Show Curiosity
Instead of trying to be interesting, focus on being interested in the other person.
People enjoy talking about themselves, and this can make them view you as a great conversationalist.
Demonstrate a genuine curiosity about what they think, feel, and are passionate about.
Ask questions that truly make them think, rather than just surface-level questions.
When someone is truly listening and absorbing what you say, it makes you feel seen and validated.
People are often self-absorbed, so when someone pays attention, it stands out. Listen to understand their needs and what they might be missing in their life.
9. Invest and Test
Don’t make all the moves yourself. Instead, invest a small amount of effort (e.g., a subtle flirt, a casual suggestion) and observe if the other person reciprocates.
This approach ensures that you are not over-investing in someone who isn’t as interested.
- Self-Worth and Boundaries: Maintain a sense of self-worth and don’t chase after someone who is uncertain about you. This means being willing to walk away or take a step back if the other person isn’t meeting your standards or reciprocating your efforts.
- Be Intriguing: Focus on being someone that is intriguing, rather than trying to please or be a nice guy. A key aspect of this is to live your own life fully and not make the other person the centre of your world.
- Passion: Show enthusiasm for the things you care about. Passion is attractive and will make the other person more interested in learning about you.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
- Don’t Over-Invest Too Soon: It’s important not to become completely focused on one person too early. Keep your options open, and continue to explore other opportunities.
- Avoid Mind-Reading: Don’t expect someone to know what you want or need without you clearly expressing it.
- Don’t Be Too Available: Being too available or making all the moves can reduce your perceived value and make you seem needy.
- Don’t Fall for Breadcrumbs: Be wary of being satisfied with minimal effort from the other person. If they aren’t truly investing in the relationship, it’s important to recognise that.
