It is entirely possible to effectively manage and significantly reduce social anxiety. While complete elimination of anxiety may not always be realistic, most individuals can successfully learn strategies to control their symptoms and lead fulfilling, confident lives.
Managing social anxiety is crucial because, if left unaddressed, it can severely impact various aspects of life, including personal relationships, educational opportunities, career progression, and overall mental health.
Through targeted strategies, lifestyle changes, professional therapies, and supportive resources, individuals can enhance their ability to handle social situations with increased ease and comfort.
Understanding that overcoming social anxiety involves gradual, consistent efforts rather than instant solutions is an essential first step in this empowering journey.
Below are some of the strategies to overcoming social anxiety:
Overcome Avoidance
It is extremely difficult to overcome anxiety if social situations are avoided. Breaking this vicious cycle of anxiety is necessary.
This can be done by approaching situations that make you anxious. At first, this will feel uncomfortable, and it may temporarily elevate anxiety. In the long term, it will provide more opportunities to test fears and build confidence in coping skills.
An example of a way to break this cycle could be to start initiating small talk at work gradually if this is something that was avoided before.
After the situation is over, reflect on what happened – were the negative beliefs about the situation accurate? Did something go wrong? What went well?
Starting slow, gradually pushing yourself rather than pushing too much at once can increase confidence in social situations and motivate you to continue until social situations no longer induce overwhelming anxiety.
Ryan shares his advice that has helped him to overcome his social anxiety, by not avoiding the feeling of fear:
‘all of this fear that you’re experiencing is false evidence of a situation that you’re building in your brain… if you just bypass that fear or don’t listen to that fear and you push yourself beyond that initial feeling of fear, most of the time what you’re going to find out is whatever you were fearful of, doesn’t actually happen.’
Drop Safety behaviors
Safety behaviors are subtle coping tactics like staying quiet, avoiding eye contact, wearing headphones, or using alcohol.
While these behaviors might temporarily ease anxiety, they can reinforce fears and prevent you from building true confidence.
Here’s how to reduce safety behaviors:
- Identify and reduce: Notice your safety behaviors and consciously reduce them, either immediately or gradually.
- Challenge yourself: Set specific challenges in social situations (e.g., making eye contact during a presentation).
- Gather evidence: Notice and record outcomes when you avoid safety behaviors to reinforce positive experiences.
Initially, this might increase anxiety, but with practice, social situations become more manageable.
Deal with Setbacks
Setbacks are common and expected when managing social anxiety. Criticism, judgment, or unexpected isolation (like during COVID-19) can disrupt progress.
To effectively handle setbacks:
- Normalize setbacks: Understand they’re part of the process and don’t indicate failure.
- Create an action plan: Identify potential triggers, warning signs, and coping strategies.
- Focus forward: Rather than dwelling on setbacks, concentrate on actions that can help you recover and progress.
- Seek support: Know who you can contact for assistance or reassurance when setbacks occur.
Having a clear, personalized plan can prevent minor setbacks from escalating.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
It is easy to criticize yourself when you get anxious in social situations.
Remember that everyone, including those without social anxiety, makes mistakes and experiences awkward moments in social interactions.
Practicing self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend facing similar challenges.
Replace self-judgment with self-acceptance, recognizing that it’s natural to feel anxious in certain social situations.
Samantha, who describes her experience with social anxiety explains how she challenges negative self-talk:
‘You have to notice when that negative self-talk comes up and then you have to think, is that really what I think about myself or is that just an old belief that I have?’
Breathing Retraining
For many people with social anxiety, breathing may be more anxious and disordered. Unbalanced breathing can result in feelings of dizziness, headaches, weakness, and muscle stiffness.
Anxious breathing can also make people more likely to respond to stressful situations with intense anxiety or panic. Breathing retraining is a technique that can be learned to return to a baseline breathing pattern.
This is a simple technique of breathing in deeply, holding the breath for a few seconds, then slowly releasing the breath.
This technique can be practiced twice a day to be effective and can be used as a coping strategy in anxious social situations rather than turning to unhelpful safety behaviors.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
A common response to fear and anxiety is muscle tension, which can cause discomfort and, thus, even more anxiety. Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique that can be used when in a comfortable position, usually lying down.
When comfortable, purposely tense a muscle group (e.g., the feet or hands). Tense this muscle group for a few seconds before releasing the tension.
After this, you can tense another muscle group and repeat each muscle group’s tensing and releasing technique until everything has been tensed and released.
You may find it useful to start at the bottom of the body (at the feet) and work up through the body to the head. This progressive muscle relaxation aims to instantly relax each muscle group until the whole body feels relaxed.
This can be useful for those with social anxiety and could be used before a fearful social situation or afterward to help recover.
Celebrate Small Victories
Recognizing small achievements is crucial when managing social anxiety. Overcoming anxiety is a gradual journey, and celebrating incremental progress builds self-confidence and motivation.
Practical tips to celebrate victories:
- Set achievable goals: Break larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.
- Keep a journal: Record moments when you successfully face anxiety to track progress and encourage yourself.
- Share successes: Talk to supportive friends or family about your accomplishments for added encouragement and accountability.
By consistently acknowledging and celebrating small steps, you reinforce positive change and resilience in your journey to overcome social anxiety.
Build a Support Network
Building a support network can be a valuable tool for managing social anxiety. By surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding individuals, you create a safe and non-judgmental space to share your struggles.
Joining support groups or social clubs specifically designed for individuals with social anxiety can offer a unique opportunity to connect with others who can relate to your experiences.
Within a support network, you can find encouragement, empathy, and validation. Sharing your anxieties and challenges with like-minded individuals can help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness as you realize you are not alone in your struggles.
Hearing others’ stories and coping strategies can provide insights and inspiration for your own journey.
Supportive individuals can also offer practical advice and techniques for managing social anxiety. Learning from others who have faced similar challenges can provide a sense of hope and motivation.
In addition, a support network can provide opportunities for gradual exposure to social situations. By engaging in group activities or attending social events together, you can practice social skills in a supportive environment.
Lifestyle Modifications
Incorporating certain lifestyle changes can significantly enhance your ability to manage social anxiety. Consider the following evidence-based strategies:
- Regular Physical Activity: Exercise regularly to reduce stress hormones, boost mood, and improve overall mental health. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate activity, such as brisk walking, cycling, or swimming, most days of the week.
- Healthy Diet: Eating balanced meals rich in nutrients can stabilize mood and energy levels. Limit caffeine and sugar intake, as these substances can exacerbate anxiety symptoms.
- Adequate Sleep: Maintain consistent sleep routines to improve your emotional resilience. Poor sleep can increase anxiety levels, making social situations feel more challenging.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation: Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to calm the mind and body. Regular practice can reduce anxiety responses and enhance emotional control.
- Limit Alcohol Consumption: Although alcohol might temporarily ease anxiety, it can worsen anxiety symptoms over time and disrupt sleep patterns. Consider healthier coping strategies for social situations instead.
By making these practical lifestyle adjustments, individuals can create a strong foundation for effectively managing social anxiety.
Psychotherapy
While some of the self-help methods above may be useful for many people, if the social anxiety is debilitating and negatively affecting aspects of your life, then psychotherapy should be considered.
Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is often recommended in the treatment of social anxiety disorder.
One common type of psychotherapy used to treat social anxiety disorder is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In CBT, the goal is to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about social situations with the therapist. Coping strategies to manage anxiety when it arises in social situations can also be taught.
Another type of psychotherapy that can be helpful for social anxiety is exposure therapy, which involves gradual and safe exposure to feared social situations with a therapist while learning coping strategies to manage anxious feelings.
Other psychotherapeutic approaches, such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and mindfulness-based interventions, may also be effective in managing social anxiety by promoting acceptance of anxious thoughts and feelings and developing coping skills to manage them.
Ultimately, the best type of psychotherapy for social anxiety will depend on individual factors and preferences, and a mental health professional can provide guidance on the most appropriate approach.
Medication
Medications can also be used to manage social anxiety if self-help methods are not succeeding. However, medication may not always be recommended as the first course of action.
Discussing medication and its side effects with a medical professional is important to ensure you are making the right choice for you.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as fluoxetine and sertraline, are commonly prescribed antidepressants that can be effective in reducing social anxiety symptoms by affecting the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain.
Benzodiazepines, such as alprazolam and clonazepam, are fast-acting medications that can also be used to treat social anxiety, but they are generally reserved for short-term use due to the risk of dependence and withdrawal.
Beta-blockers, such as propranolol, can be used to reduce physical symptoms of anxiety, such as sweating and tremors, but they do not reduce the psychological symptoms of anxiety.
Consider what suits you
Another way to manage social anxiety is to consider what your limits are and where your limits are.
There is often a pressure in society that being outgoing and having a big group of friends is favorable, however, this does not have to be what everyone should strive for.
It is perfectly fine to have a few, close friends with deep connections, rather than many friends which may be more superficial.
‘What do you actually need in terms of connection?… Do you really want to be always in a group of ten people? Or maybe this is a scenario where you are always going to feel slightly uncomfortable. That’s not the kind of contact you need.’
Angela Dierks, therapist
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I make friends if I have social anxiety disorder?
Making friends can be challenging for individuals with social anxiety disorder, but there are strategies that can be helpful.
One approach is to start small and gradually build social connections by engaging in low-pressure social activities, such as joining a club or group related to a personal interest or hobby.
Another strategy is to practice social skills and build confidence by volunteering or taking a class where you can interact with others in a structured environment.
It can also be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support in managing social anxiety symptoms and building social connections.
Remember that making friends takes time and effort, but with patience and perseverance, it is possible to develop meaningful relationships.
What should you NOT say to someone who has social anxiety?
When speaking with someone who has social anxiety, it’s important to avoid saying things that may increase their anxiety or make them feel uncomfortable.
Saying things such as “just relax” or “calm down” minimizes their feelings or experiences or pushes them to participate in social situations they’re not comfortable with.
Likewise, avoid drawing attention to the fact that they are quiet or showing physical symptoms of anxiety, as this can cause discomfort and make their symptoms worse.
It’s also important to avoid making assumptions about their experiences or suggesting that they should be able to handle social situations better. Instead, it’s helpful to listen to their concerns, offer support and understanding, and encourage them to seek professional help if needed.
What can happen if social anxiety is left unmanaged?
If social anxiety is left unmanaged, it can significantly impact various aspects of a person’s life.
They may experience persistent feelings of isolation, avoidance of social situations, and difficulty forming or maintaining relationships.
The individual may miss out on opportunities for personal and professional growth, leading to reduced self-esteem and quality of life.
Over time, untreated social anxiety can contribute to the development of other mental health issues, such as depression and substance abuse, further exacerbating the negative impact on overall well-being.
Is it possible to overcome social anxiety completely?
While it is possible for many individuals to significantly reduce the impact of social anxiety and lead fulfilling lives, completely overcoming social anxiety to the point of it never resurfacing again is less common.
It’s important to note that some level of anxiety is normal and a part of being human, so it is not realistic to try to get rid of all anxiety.
However, with appropriate treatment, therapy, and ongoing self-care, individuals can learn effective coping strategies, build confidence, and manage social anxiety to a level where it no longer significantly hinders their daily functioning and quality of life.
References
Dierks, A., & MacKay, T. (Hosts). (2023, June 5). Social Anxiety And How To Stop Avoiding It [Audio podcast episode]. In The Relationship Maze.
Maria, S. (2021, February 5). HOW I’M HEALING MY SOCIAL ANXIETY [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhECQ3U4ZO0&ab_channel=SamanthaMaria
Mineka, S., Watson, D., & Clark, L. A. (1998). Comorbidity of anxiety and unipolar mood disorders. Annual review of psychology, 49(1), 377-412.
Ranta, K., Kaltiala‐Heino, R., Rantanen, P., & Marttunen, M. (2009). Social phobia in Finnish general adolescent population: prevalence, comorbidity, individual and family correlates, and service use. Depression and anxiety, 26(6), 528-536.
Scribner, R. (2020, November 9). How I overcame social anxiety [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkGEKA25jCc&ab_channel=RyanScribner
Stein, M. B., McQuaid, J. R., Laffaye, C., & McCahill, M. E. (1999). Social phobia in the primary care medical setting. Journal of Family Practice, 48, 514-519.
Whisman, M. A., Sheldon, C. T., & Goering, P. (2000). Psychiatric disorders and dissatisfaction with social relationships: Does type of relationship matter?. Journal of abnormal psychology, 109(4), 803.
